Episode 117

Are you needing hope today? Are you needing some help and some encouragement when it comes to being the parent you wanna be? Well, today's guest is gonna give you that. You know, sara and I are such big believers in a parenting first model that really is...

 

This whole parenting journey is about shaping us and transforming us as much as it's about our kids. And Brad Chandler, he's a guy who knows about that. He's a guy who has made mistakes in his past and then had a transformational journey where he learned how to love himself. He was able to forgive the mistakes he made and able to step into becoming the parent that he wanted to be. And it's such an encouraging message that I think you're gonna find fills you with hope, fills you with a sense of freedom.

 

to really encourage, to take the journey that you're wanting to take and become the parent you wanna become. Before we jump into that interview though, I'd love you to take a minute to pause and leave a comment, rate the podcast. This is the currency that podcasts run on, is when you rate them and review them, more people have access to them. And if this has helped you, we want it to help others. So take a moment, do that, and then jump into our conversation with Brad. It's gonna change your life.

 

Hello and welcome to the Art of Raising Humans. I'm Kyle. And I'm sara. And today we have a very special guest that we want you to hear from. His name is Brad Chandler. And Brad Chandler is gonna talk to us on a subject, sara, that we deal with a lot of parents about. A lot of times why it's so hard for parents to change what they're doing at home and with their parenting is because of self -hatred. Lots of them have tons of regret, tons of guilt, tons of shame about mistakes they've made in the past.

 

and then it makes it really hard to move forward. So first I want to say welcome Brad, it's good to have you.

 

Thanks for having me, excited.

 

And Brad, you are the host of a podcast called Happier Entrepreneurs, right? That's right. Yes.

 

how to be happier for entrepreneurs. You don't have to be an entrepreneur, but we just pointed how to be happier for entrepreneurs.

 

Yes, yeah. And you help people all over the world by coaching them and helping them learn how to love themselves better, right?

 

Yeah, but by, by breaking down these limiting beliefs that, that are hidden in our subconscious mind that helped that actually helped us when we were kids protect us. And now as adults, they destroy us. You said something really interesting about how parents often have self -hatred and off offline. We were talking about how the kids sometimes that you work with see, see some improvement, but then they slip back because the parents never really get it. So when someone comes to me, a parent and they're like, my kids got all these problems. I go, do you want to know where those problems come from?

 

Grab your spouse by the hand and walk into the bathroom and look in the mirror. You're the reason that these children have the problem 99 % of the time. Now granted, I notice I didn't say it's their fault. It's not their fault because every parent just like the three of us here, we do and did the best we could knowing what we know. But the stuff you guys teach the stuff I teach shows those parents that my gosh, there's a whole nother level that will completely change your relationship with your wife and your kids and everything.

 

Yeah, yeah. Could you take a moment, and I know your story is pretty unique. I'd love for you to share with the audience your story, like how you came to this understanding.

 

Yeah, it had to do with my son. My son had anxiety. So three years ago, three and a half years ago, trying to get him help, I'm on a zoom call and this lady says, you've got a tick. And I'm like, what, what are you talking about? Tick? She's like, no, you're you blink like crazy. When you talk about your childhood, whenever you talk about your childhood, you just start blinking. That's a tick and a tick is like OCD. And that's our brain trying to soothe us when something is going on. That's that's scary. Right. So every time I talked about my childhood, I got nervous. I didn't know it.

 

you

 

because it was hidden, right? And so she said, you may have some unresolved stuff from your childhood that's affecting your son's anxiety. I'm like, no way. Me, I've been a single dad now, now for like 13 years. At that point it was 10. I do everything for my kids. No way, but okay, I'll listen to you. I'll come out and work with you. And in a three hour session, guys, my life forever changed. And I'd gone to therapy for three decades, 50 different marriage counseling sessions. And what did we do? What did we do?

 

Yeah.

 

We just went back and we figured out the meanings that I placed on certain events as a child. And these meanings were the things that I was running from that was causing all my negative behavior. And this is with every human being in the world. If you've got something negative that you can't stop, it's your brain solution to something that it thinks is more painful and scary. So your brain's doing its job. It's moving away from pain into pleasure. And here's the magic. When you show your brain that this is no more than an untruth, because it always is,

 

Guess what happens to the negative symptom that you've never been able to get rid of? Boom, it vanishes. It vanished with me and it's vanished with hundreds of my clients.

 

Yeah, I was just thinking something that we're really big on Brad that goes right along with that is we really do believe that change always begins with us. That as the parents, like you said, it's not about blame, it's not about fault, but it really is about influence and the science of interpersonal neurobiology and how what's going on in us is impacting our kids in ways lots of us.

 

don't ever intend them to do that, right? Like we think it's just this internal thing that's happening. We're not really able to see how we're passing it on in some really like conscious ways, but whether we're aware of it or not, we are passing that stuff on. So that's why it's so important for us to be aware of that and to own that, right? Was that difficult for you to do? Was it difficult for you to look back and go, crap, what have I done? Was that difficult?

 

You know what? You know what? It was up until I went to this, this, this function where this really, really interesting lady was there and she was like, you know, you were kind of a shitty dad. And that was, that was maybe a little bit harsh and a little bit overstatement, but then she followed it up with, but how could you have been anything different coming from the environment? She's like, you couldn't have. And at that moment, that was like a week or two after that big s**t.

 

Yeah.

 

I was a week or two after my three hour transformation where everything in my life changed. No, I let it go. And just like you were saying, like people don't know, like parents don't know. I'll give you a perfect example of even something that people think is good. Like the mother who didn't get enough. So she's going to make sure her kids get everything. I'll figure out everything for you. You don't worry. Do you know what that I have these clients as adults right now that kid internalizes that that I cannot, I don't have the confidence and the know -how and the enoughness.

 

Hehehe

 

Yeah.

 

to do it because mom's got to do everything and all mom is trying to do is be this beautiful mom taking care of her kid. So even the good things we do sometimes hurt our children.

 

Yeah, no, it's such a great point. And it sounded like what you had to do in there too, through that conversation and that month window where you were doing all of this transformation is you had to forgive yourself. You know, it sounded like that really was some freeing part of your journey.

 

I did. And I went to both of my kids and I came home and I remember, you know, having tears telling them like, my gosh, I had no idea the impact that I had on you. I was having lunch with my son on Saturday after a golf tournament he played in. And we were talking about the jobs he's looking at. And he's like, I really want to do golf, but dad, you taught me growing up that if I can't make a ton of money that I won't, I can't lead a good life. And I go, you know what? I did teach you that because that's what I believe for 47 years.

 

I go, but now we know different, right? We know that, Hey, go become a teaching professional. He's a really great golfer. So he'll easily be able to pass the test. And he's really smart and they don't make much. I mean, they don't make much at all. 60 grand, 50, whatever it is. But I was like, if you love it, you're going to find ways to, Hey, maybe we'll open a training center together. Maybe we'll, maybe you'll create a training aid that's never been developed, but just go do something. Don't worry about the money anymore. Cause when I shifted

 

from, I thought my whole life, like my dad showed me love through money. So for 47 years, I didn't feel enough. And I thought if I just make a lot of money, people will love me. And we all know that's untrue. And since I've shifted and I realized, my God, I don't need to prove anything. Guess what? I've made more money and my net worth has gone up more in the last three years than any other three years, because you know what I'm focused on now? I'm focused on making an impact in people's lives, not trying to make a bunch of money to feel better about myself.

 

Yeah. I love how you highlight too. I think it can be scary as parents to, like you said, walk in the mirror, walk into the bathroom and look in the mirror. Yeah. Right. And sometimes even just that self -protection we have where you want to look back and go, I had this great childhood because you don't want to blame your parents. You love your parents or whatever your story is. It can be hard. But what you're bringing to light is just if we can do that.

 

There's things that we don't even see. We're just on autopilot. We're just going through life and we're doing the best we can do. But taking that moment to intentionally look in the mirror gives us so much freedom and actually gets us to the place we're trying to go while we're fighting against it, fighting against it. But if we'll just go and do that, we actually, it sounds like by you doing that, you actually are now accomplishing the things you had set out and we're working so hard to do.

 

but now you're actually in a place of freedom and you're actually now seeing it happening.

 

Absolutely. The lack of self love that we're talking about today actually keeps you from connection. It's strange that going back to the analogy of the negative behaviors driven by an underlying thing, we're just trying to protect ourselves. So what we do is we want whatever we want. We want deep. I asked my son at lunch, I said, what are the things you want most in life? He said peace and he said deep connections. And I go, do you realize that you're keeping yourself?

 

Mmm.

 

Your thoughts that you're thinking are keeping yourselves from the very thing that you want Because his childlike brain is saying I still have to protect myself From my mom and from my dad and the things that they did So if you're if you want to know if you have self -love you can do yourself a favor and literally in three minutes Go to Brad Chandler comm forward slash quiz or unlock limitless you comm forward slash quiz and take this quiz and if your kids have behavioral problems and you score lack of self -love

 

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

 

Don't look at that and beat yourself up and say, my gosh, I'm a loser, I'm a lost cause. No, just the opposite. Say, my gosh, now I have awareness. Now I can work with someone like Kyle and sara or myself and completely change my life, my relationships and my kids for not just their life, but for generations to come because we know this. When you are broken, when you have lack of self -love, you don't go marry someone with self -love.

 

Yeah

 

You go find some with lack of self love too. And then we just repeat this over and over and over again.

 

Exactly. Yeah.

 

Yeah, no, as you're as you're talking about that, Brad, I'm just even thinking of sara's and my journey and why we got so passionate about parenting as we so desperately we there's so many good things our parents gave us, but there was definitely things we wanted to change. We wanted to leave a different legacy and the word that I'm hearing from you over and over again, like you're not even saying it, but I'm hearing you say it in the subtext is we wanted freedom for our kids.

 

We wanted our kids to be free to like for your son to seek the peace he's wanting, to have the deep connection he longs for. We want our kids to be free to have these like desires in their hearts and to really trust them and like go after them with abandon, you know, like really with the passion that's inside of them. And that's something that I felt like we didn't necessarily feel like all the time, especially when we were first, we're building this family. We didn't feel freedom. We felt more fear. There was a lot of fear about finances.

 

freedom.

 

fear about failing, fear of making some of the similar mistakes that our parents had made, even in light of us also building upon what they'd given us, you know? And so I hear you saying that, but I know you haven't said that word, but I think it's a big part of what you're trying to convey is that self -love and freedom go hand in hand.

 

Look, the only way that you can get freedom. I had Brad. So we recently renamed from Brad Chandler coaching the limitless you because we believe everyone is limitless. But guess what? I had Brad Chandler coaching in 2017 teaching real estate investors how to do real estate investing. And my tagline was coaching you to freedom. Do you know what I thought freedom was back then? I was teaching people how to make a ton of money. I thought that's how you got freedom. There's only one way and one way only to get freedom in your life.

 

Hmm.

 

Wow. Yeah.

 

That's a deep connection with yourself. That's the self love with yourself because you can have look did Michael Jackson did Prince did Kurt Cobain or Matthew Perry did they have freedom? They had all the money in the world. They didn't have freedom. They were stuck in an invisible prison that they put themselves in from childhood where they had to protect themselves from from bad stuff.

 

Yeah, yeah. And so it really seems like the formula of what I'm hearing you say is there is this forgiveness and like looking at yourself in the mirror and being able to forgive the mistakes of the past. But then through that process, then the self love brings freedom now to create something different. And that's kind of what I heard you doing with your son was you're coming alongside instead of you creating this thing you think he needs or wants or whatever that came from your own childhood programming. Instead, you're like, I want to co create this with you.

 

and I want to see what's in your heart, and then I want us together to co -create that. And that's kind of the beautiful thing, I think, that that freedom, once you let go of that programming, is now you can create a new programming, right? Create something new and positive for the future together with your kids.

 

Yeah.

 

Yeah. And my six, I mean, our relationships have, have, especially with my 16 year old daughter has completely transformed in the last few years. We just got back from a nine day vacation in Italy. She went through some major behavioral problems from like age 14 to probably 15, 15, 15 and a half 16. Actually now she's about to turn 17. And if you want to know why a kid misbehaves, there's usually only one reason a kid misbehaves. Usually I'm not saying every time it's because they lack connection with a parent.

 

Mm -hmm.

 

And I can remember my daughter saying to me, dad, you always seem upset. You always seem mad before my transformation. And now she'll tell you if she was here, she'd be like, my gosh, my dad is so different. Like we have this this connection and I'm not my subconscious mind who doesn't feel enough isn't driving her to achieve all this stuff. I'm just here to support her and I'm not here to like push her. I'm here to support her and say you all I want you to do is find freedom and happiness. And she she says some she's like, dad,

 

I just want to be like you. And she didn't always say that she's like, you've got everything. She's like, you're happy all the time. You've got great relationships. You've got a great business. You work from home. You do all these fun stuff. You travel. And it wasn't always like that. So if you're sitting there suffering or struggling, number one, it is not your fault. Number two, there is a quick way out of this. You're way closer to where you want to be than you ever have to ever, ever possibly can imagine. And you just have to shift your thinking.

 

It's just the way your mind's processing information. There's nothing wrong with your brain, despite what your doctor may tell you. You don't have any disorder. The DSM book that has a 1 ,500 disorders, you don't have any disorder. The reason they have disorders is because once they diagnose you and label you, they can give you a drug.

 

Yeah.

 

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think a lot of those, it's like our best attempt at helping people, right? We give them some, this is what it is, but it does, like you were saying, it goes back to when we were kids. And we've talked about, maybe it's our parents, but it can be, if you just pause for a moment and think about your childhood and you think the different things that happened in school or sports or maybe some, I don't know, you lost somebody important.

 

Some something, some big stressor happened and like you said, you were pointing out, we have to make sense of it. And our brain is trying to survive these moments. So it assigns meaning to this event so that it can go, okay, I've got to figure out how to handle this. And so I can go forward and I've got to, maybe it's a daily thing. It could be religion, whatever it might be that you're trying to make sense of and you're going forward in life. And then,

 

maybe that's getting us by. You know, you pointed that out. We really need that survival. We need, we need this and it's getting us where we want to go. But then we grow up and it's not really serving us anymore. Those messages keep going and we keep living from that same space as if we're in that same moment and we don't know how to get out of it. Yeah. I want to say too, Brad on that. That's why it's so sad. Sometimes when you're working with parents, you can see how those schools, those skills, those tools, even those beliefs.

 

help them a long time ago. And now those same things that help them are actually hurting them. And that's what's so sad because you're like, you can see why they held on to it. But it's like, that's not helping anymore. And now it's actually it's hurting you can see it on the kids face or you can hear it in the kids voice like that same thing you use to survive is now undermining the very goals and vision you have for your life.

 

Yes, I love you guys, man. I wish you didn't live so far away from me because we'd be hanging out every weekend. I could talk about this stuff for 24 hours. sara, you touched on something that I have to share that is so good. You use the word survival in the last three, four months. And all I do if I'm not working with clients, I'm reading books, I'm taking courses from some of the best people in the world. Like I can't get enough of this stuff. I was in real estate and I'm still in for many years. But it was all about money. I never cared about it. I thought I did but I really didn't.

 

But you use the word survival. And this epiphany that I had is that everything in our adult life comes down to our childlike brain thinking we're not gonna survive. Let me give you an example. When mom doesn't give you the cookie when you're five years old and you tell her you hate her and she starts crying because she's emotionally immature because of her childhood and dad comes home and spanks you and says, don't you ever make mom feel that way. What does your brain say? Your brain says, holy shit.

 

I just pissed off the tribe leaders and my six million year old primitive brain is saying, if I get kicked out of the tribe, what happens? I die. So let's, let's fast forward to a year ago, five years ago, me, me getting on a stage and I get this visceral reaction of anxiety and sweat and my face turns red, whatever, whatever happens. That's my body protecting me from, if you go on that scary stage and you say something wrong,

 

Yep. Yeah.

 

Someone might disparage you like your dad did, because my dad made fun of me. And then when my dad made fun of me, what was my brain thinking? I might get kicked out of the tribe. So everything, whether it's whether you're an alcoholic or you use drugs or porn, or when your spouse says something, you shut down. It's not your fault. It's your primitive brain saying, if I go there, my God, that's dangerous. And I may die. You're not saying that out loud. You're not saying, I can't tell my wife I'm sorry. And I love her right now because I might die. No, no, no, no, no.

 

It's your, I started this conversation by saying hidden. These things are hidden in our subconscious and they did serve a purpose to help us survive as a child.

 

Yeah.

 

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, and then you'll see the kid take on those same kind of things, right? And that's just so crazy. Sometimes we have found in working with kids, Brad, that these kids, like that story you just shared, that person, that little kid grows up, you know, like you were saying, getting on the stage, there'll be these un, this childhood programming that then they will give to the kid and the kid doesn't even know where that came from. And yet the kid will think it's their programming.

 

The kid will start to believe the same things you believe that are holding you back from going where you want to go. Well, it's like, I mean, I learned how to survive. Let me pass that on to my child. So they know how to survive too. Even if it's you have to earn love. I have to be perfect. I have to earn love. I figured that out. I'm staying in the tribe. As you say, I'm going to teach my child that same thing. I'm going to withdraw my love so that you earn my love. So you will stay in the tribe. It's like we're handing these down thinking that we're

 

Yes.

 

Yeah.

 

my gosh, that's interesting.

 

you know, it's automatic, because you're passing down those things that helped you survive. They're not really serving us. And I'm thinking, sara, I remember one of the reasons why we've never done spanking or timeouts, Brad, was not only because of the education we had, but I remember there was one moment where I did put Abby in the timeout, she was maybe three or four, right? Maybe, yeah. And I just was like, I didn't know what else to do. She was driving me nuts. So because of my childhood programming, I was like, she needs to go get her crap together and then come back.

 

right. And in my mind, I was justifying it by thinking I'm going to have her go to her room, because she needs to realize that this is unacceptable. But then she said to sara something that made me say that's never on the table again. And she said, I feel like dad's saying that he doesn't want me around when I act this way, that I need to act better for dad to love me for dad to accept me, you know. And as I sat there and thought about it, at first, I rejected that brand, I was like, there's no way I was saying that. But then I was like, wait,

 

I actually was totally trying to say that. I was totally saying - This is how you're in the tribe. Yes, I do not want you around me when you act like that. And I was using my love as leverage to then get the behavior I wanted. And I saw immediately how toxic that felt. And it was only through my daughter's three -year -old mouth that I was able to let it hit me that I was like, that's not what I want to say to her. I don't want to convey that to her.

 

Yeah.

 

Yeah, so the kids misbehave because they're disconnected. So what do we do as parents? I put my kids in timeouts. I never hit them, but a lot of parents, so the kid's disconnected. He needs love. So what do we do? We put him in timeout. We spank him. Through spankings, we inflict physical harm on our kids and shame. As parents, we're supposed to be nurturing and protecting and seeing and hearing our kids. So if you're spanking your kid and you think it's good for them,

 

It's not good for them because I have lots of clients that I got spanked. And when you get spanked, why is this happening? I'm not good enough. And then you go take that one step further. You got these kids in juvenile detention. my gosh, why are they misbehaving? Their parents aren't available. They're completely disconnected. Now we're gonna take them out of the family and we're gonna confine them in a jail. That's a great idea. Like, come on people, we can do better than that.

 

Yes, that's right. That's gonna help them. Yes. Well, it makes me think too, Dr. Becky Bailey has a quote where she says, a connected child is a cooperative child and a disconnected child is a discouraged child and a discouraged child will inevitably act out. And so anytime we're seeing what you're calling misbehavior is I would immediately think the first thing you need to do is connect with that kid. That kid actually isn't acting

 

isn't wanting you to reject them, they're actually just acting this way because they feel completely alone and disconnected from you. And once they feel connected with you, they won't want to act this way. And that's the whole kind of flip that we need to make. But like you're saying is, if I'm not connected with myself, how can I connect with the kid? And that brings up a question I'd like you to answer is, I love that vision that you and sara were just discussing about walking in the mirror and everybody listening to this podcast right now could do this, could walk in the mirror and look at themselves in the mirror.

 

But I think a lot of us don't want to see what we're looking at in the mirror because of the shame, the shame of even like, not even our past mistakes, but even the shame of what we look like, right? If even looking in there going, I don't want to spend too much time here. My hair looks ridiculous. So there's all of these like even image things that are part of much less what's below the skin, you know? So how did you manage to do that, Brad? How did you manage to move through that shame?

 

Of course.

 

to have the courage to actually accept yourself as you are instead of as how maybe you thought you should be.

 

So here's the thing, like I didn't walk around with conscious shame. It was buried in my subconscious. Like I, other than telling my ex -wife how dumb I was a lot of times when I go to these masterminds or something, I didn't wake up every day and say I'm a schmuck. I put on this aura that I don't care what other people think. I love myself and it was just a way to protect myself. So it was more for me. It was once I understood

 

Yeah. Yeah.

 

that, my gosh, all these years when you looked at my two marriages, it didn't work out and the use of weed and alcohol and I made $9 million with the five business six, it cost me $9 million kids with anxiety. I was like, my gosh, there's a common theme here. It's all me and the way I think about myself. So that was the shift. It was just going back and finding those meanings sara talked about these meetings I placed that I said earlier were always untruths and then showing my brain that they were untruth and then boom, that's when the magic happened.

 

And that's exactly what you can do if you're listening to this. If you're struggling or suffering, it's probably internal, it's probably hidden, and it's how you think about yourself. And when you live in the truth that you are enough, you don't have to, everything's gonna change. Everything will change. It's not just, you know, people come to me with anxiety, and they were like, we solved the anxiety, but then like my income doubled, and my relationship with my wife is better. and my seven year old who act out all the time, he's way better. It's because.

 

Yeah.

 

We just figured out that one thing, but that's affecting everything in your life. And it usually is the negative thoughts that we're telling ourselves that we don't even know sometimes.

 

Yeah. That is so encouraging. You know, I mean, we're so hard on ourselves as parents. Yeah. And it feels really good to know, OK, maybe I'm not just messing up all the time, a big screw up. Right. And I want to hear a little bit about because you went through this. You were one person, so to speak, one person parenting this way. And then you went through this big shift.

 

So I'm kind of curious, what do you do? Because if you're thinking, I don't want to pass this on to my kid. So what does that look like for you? How does that impact your parenting now or how you talk to them? Are you intentional or what do you do to think this is how I want to wire their brain? Yeah, it's good.

 

The greatest gift that you can give any child is to break the multi -generational curse that most of us are involved in. And how do you do that? You teach your child how to love themselves unconditionally. How can you teach a child how to do that? If you don't love yourself unconditionally, you can't, if I asked you right now, give me 12 oranges and you'd have 12 oranges. You couldn't. So if you're wondering, if you have lack of self love, go take the quiz I mentioned earlier, but how do, how is my parenting different now? I recognize that I was driving them.

 

And let's use a perfect example. The dishwasher doesn't get unloaded. And I tell my 14 year old at the time that unload the dishwasher and she doesn't do it. What would happen? I would get angry. And I'd be like, my mind would be telling me she she's disrespecting me. And then what would that cause that would cause me to yell at her. And then that would cause her to think, dad doesn't love me. I'm going to go smoke weed or drink or whatever it is. Right. So a thought

 

Yeah.

 

creates an emotion that creates a behavior and that behavior often reinforces the thought. I'm fat and disgusting is the thought. I feel sad. I go eat Ben and Jerry's. I go eat two pints of Ben and Jerry's. Look, I'm fat and disgusting. So what's my thought in the dishwasher example? It was, I don't feel enough. So that created anger or sadness. Now the second that I start to feel any negative emotion, I go to what this tool that we use called the jewelry generator. And I asked myself, I say, what am I feeling?

 

Yeah.

 

I'm feeling a little bit of sadness. I give myself compassion. It's okay. You're feeling sadness. And then I ask, where's it coming from? every single time I ever feel negative emotion in my life, it goes back to the old Brad of I'm not enough. And then I asked myself, is that true? And I go, no, it's not true. So then boom, I'm not mad anymore. And I just, I remind myself she didn't do it to affect me. She did it because she's a teenager and wants to talk to her friend more than she wants on the hood of the dishwasher. So now where I used to get triggered in my relationship with, with my ex -wives for

 

Yeah, yeah.

 

days now in my relationship with Yvonne, my life partner and partner in Limitless You, like we have conflict, but it lasts for minutes or an hour rather than days because now I'm aware of what's causing it and I can quickly come back to my joy.

 

Yeah. Yeah.

 

Yeah, I love that. And then of course you can do that, model that for the kids, do that with the kids. I even heard a lot of what you're saying in there too. When you're not loving yourself and seeing that you are enough, you're constantly being triggered by all of these things that are happening, right? And then it just feels like you have no power to change them. It feels like they're constantly dictating to you who you have to be in that moment. And that's really where I hope the listeners hear that. I hope they feel from you, Brad, the sense of freedom that you can be the parent.

 

that you want to be, but it does take that awareness and that work to understand what those triggers are and those beliefs are that have kept you trapped to constantly just reacting to moments and never really being able to create the moment you want to create.

 

Yeah, here's the truth. If you're, if your kids like, my God, I gotta get away from my kids. They're driving me crazy. No, they're not driving you crazy. Your brain's reaction to them is driving you crazy. And where's that coming from? It's not your kids fault. Your brain is going back to the time that sara mentioned around survival and pulling in a meaning. Your kids are a mirror to what you didn't fix in your childhood or your, your early adulthood. So don't say your kids are pissing you off.

 

because they can't piss you off. It's your brain that's creating that based on their behavior, which isn't their fault at all.

 

Yeah, no, I love that, Brad. Brad, we could do this all day. We love chatting with you because we love giving parents resources to bring them more freedom because we know if they love themselves, if they understand the power that they have and the influence they have to shape these little kids, man, I think if they just understood that, then I think this world would be a better place for sure. And these kids would grow up in homes where they could co -create with their parents these different outcomes.

 

you know, these different legacies, you know? So if people want to know more about how to reach out to you or how to hear the, what resources would you offer them?

 

BradChandler.com (29:23.956)

Yeah, the quiz is great. We have a lot of resources at unlock limitless you .com. You can go there and forward slash Brad will get you all my contact information, including my, my cell phone. And, you know, it's just, again, if you're suffering, you're not meant to suffer in this life, I promise you you're meant to have a, a fruitful, abundant, deeply connected life that doesn't have to be about negative thoughts and being triggered all the time. And again, not your fault. And there's a way out.

 

Yeah.

 

Pick up the phone, pick up the internet, pick up your phone or, you know, whatever, reach out to car, reach out to sara, reach out to myself. There is help out there. And, and when you get that, when you get that help and you get that, that self love, man, your life can change in ways that you may not even be able to imagine. Cause they did, they did, they did for me.

 

Yeah. Well, Brad, and the thing I would just jump on that for any listener is this is why sara and I are able to parent the way we parent is because of a similar journey to what you had is really that finally loving ourselves, not that we're perfect, but that we love the fact that we're still imperfect. You know, we love the imperfections. We're not trying to be perfect parents. We're actually trying to be whole parents.

 

parents that accept ourselves just as we are. And I think that's been the secret sauce to most of our parenting. So thank you so much, Brad, for joining us today. And listeners, definitely look at all the information, check out his podcast. He's got so many great voices that he's getting information from that will really help you understand yourself better in all types of fields, whether it's parenting or business or all types of stuff. He really gives you tons of great content. So I encourage you to check out Brad today. So thank you, Brad. Thank you for joining us.

 

Thank you.