Episode 156

Kyle And Sara Wester (0:1.240)
Hello and welcome to the Art of Raising Humans. I'm Kyle. I am Sarah. And Sarah, today I want to talk about assumptions. right? Uh-huh. There's a lot of assumptions I think we came into parenting with, And a lot of assumptions that in general when we're helping parents shift how they're parenting and the ways in which they're approaching conflict with their kids, there's a lot of like...
like really deep wired assumptions about what parenting should be and how we should do this thing with kids. And I think it sometimes can make it a challenge to then move away from fear based or shame kind of based techniques, Yeah. Punishment kind of of these belief systems that exist in society. You know, I think we'd say them about other humans, but definitely about children. You know, it's sort of like, well, I mean, you just assume this has got to be true. The saying is true. Yeah.
Yeah. And so a couple of weeks ago, we really dived into the idea of punishment and trying to help listeners have a different imagination of what it could look like. If you don't do punishment, they just wanting to like give them an opportunity to spend some time going, what would it look like if we never did punishment? Just entertain it a little bit. But I feel like some with this podcast in particular, I was thinking, why was it so hard for me in many ways to want to change that? And even when we decided to change it,
there were still times, I mean, we're just being honest with you listeners, I did want to punish, you know, because in my brain, there was still these assumptions I had in my mind that I really kind of needed to not only let go of, but also receive a new set of assumptions or presuppositions, right? Yeah, because if they're in there, right, you have these belief systems, then when you're trying to do something new, there's definitely that rises back up and goes, now, wait a second, that's not going to work because what about this? This is true, right? This is a fact.
that I live from and those will creep up over time. even maybe you're contemplating this, but maybe you're actually on the road like us. We've had many times we're like, wait, are we sure? Yeah. Are we sure? And it's those kind of those belief systems fuel that questioning. Yeah. Well, and those belief systems, those assumptions inevitably start to shape how

Kyle And Sara Wester (2:11.874)
We like our perspective of our kids, the ways in which we interpret their behaviors and our roles in those moments. And the way we're going to interact in those moments all fueled by that. Well, these assumptions I'm going to bring up that I think many listeners can relate to. They end up what they led for me as a parent was the need to control the kids behavior and use punishment to change it. Okay. And as parents, we need to like one of the ones I would like to point out first that this was a big one for me, that as parents, we need to push them to do better.
Because if they don't, they're always gonna choose the easy way. And I know that was a big trigger of mine. Every time the kids were like, but I don't wanna do it unless it's fun. And I'd be like, oh, these kids, they need to learn that life is difficult. That's right. It's not supposed to be fun all the time. gotta work. You can't make everything fun. You think I can make work fun every time? You think mowing the lawns? My brain would start going and I would see them saying, can we make this fun?
It's like, oh, this is what kids try to do, try to make everything fun. And it's our job as teacher, uh, parents to let them know it is hard. Life is difficult. Yeah. And you have to embrace that. And, I think that's a bit of a survivor thing too. You know, I mean, we've had lots of hard moments in history and so there's always this piece of
If I don't tell them that life is hard and make them push through, then when something hard happens in their life, they won't be able to. it's all going to be downhill from there. know? Well, so I would ask the listeners, as we're kind of talking about some of these, be thinking about your own assumptions, ways in which you would you believe about kids about.
who they are about why they do what they do, what they really need from us, right? Especially in culture in general, there's a lot of conversations about this, know, fear of raising snowflakes or weak kids and all those kinds of things definitely pop up in our minds too. We want kids who are resilient and are courageous, able to face fear, do hard things. All those are good, but there's a lot of underlying assumptions under that about how we get there that I think are harmful, right? And so first of all, like I think one of the assumptions is,

Kyle And Sara Wester (4:21.414)
or one of ways we look at it that kind of changed was when a kid is making a mistake or they do something like they lie or like they cheat in some way, are they doing something bad? Like they did a bad behavior and now it's our job to somehow make them do good or are they just lacking a skill? know, like are they lacking a skill? Did they not know how to get what they wanted without doing that? Like they thought that was the best way to do it, you know? But immediately my assumption was
That kid knows what they're doing and they're doing bad and bad needs to be punished. Now I thought, I thought that one was really, really powerful for me. Uh, that shift to looking at it as a lacking skill instead of an intentional bad behavior. And sometimes I'm not saying the kid isn't choosing to even do that. Right. But, but that, that shift of, okay, if the child has chosen to fill in the blank,
whatever you want to say. So whatever they're doing, they're choosing to do it. I'm still looking at that going, oh, why, why, why'd they choose that? They didn't know how to get what they wanted or to say this or do this or whatever it is. They didn't know how I need to teach them the skills they need.
You know, it was was a switching it to a lacking skills instead of just something's corrupt in this child. a huge game changer. Yeah. It was a very, like the assumption is they are going to do bad unless I make them do good as opposed to you saying, huh, I wonder what they were trying to accomplish there. And is there a skill that I could teach them a model to them that would help them do it in a better way. Right. And that's actually what the kid is. mean, that's one of the, the, assumption, if you think about it, it's kind of strange that the kid, I mean, we've heard this kids as young as six months.
Right? That little baby. They're crying because. They're trying to manipulate you. Right? That they are trying to manipulate you and then they're trying to get control over you. And there is this fear going back to that something. I need to be in control of them. I cannot let them be in control of me. Instead of you imagining another way you could view it is I need to be in control of myself to teach them how to control themselves. You know? But that never even crossed my mind. I thought it's your job as the bigger person

Kyle And Sara Wester (6:38.220)
You have to make sure you have the power of the control. Otherwise the assumption is they will go wild and they will hurt people and do a bunch of bad things. Yeah. And I think, um, you know, you say like that and people are like, don't, I don't think that. But then just pause and quiet yourself for a moment and think how, you know, is that present anywhere? Even to a degree. Do I think, you know, it's all going to go horribly unless I
you know, this. Well, I'll give some like they will be selfish unless I make them selfless, right? Unless I teach them how not to be, they will be manipulative unless I teach them not to be they will be lazy unless I teach them not to be they will be prone to lie and defy and they will do there is a lot of the unless I make them not be that like they're naturally those things. And I've got to make them not those things. And then on top of that, Sarah, I felt like going into
I think maybe why it took me a little longer to be ready to have kids than you is I feel like, man, now my life is going to change because I'm going to need to be very vigilant about noticing and stopping our kids from doing bad things. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and a lot of parents we coach, know they're spending a lot of time constantly watching that because they want their kids to do good things. And you feel like that's your role. Yeah.
That is your role. what responsible parents do. Yes. And you want to be a good parent and you want to take care of your kids. And this is the way to do that. Yeah. And I'm going to list some kind of statements that I hear on a constant basis working with parents about how people view conflicts with kids. Okay. One I hear quite often is you don't negotiate with a terrorist and typically that's followed by a laugh. You know, we kind of laugh in the office. know you don't really believe your kid's a terrorist, but
I do think that's an assumption that like we're already putting our kid like nobody wants to be called a terrorist and the kid isn't trying to terrorize us. But those kinds of statements, although they're meant to be funny or sarcastic, they're really revealing something, right? Yeah. And it's saying we can't have a dialogue. Yeah. Right. Cause then I'm negotiating. I need to be, I need to hold my ground very tight because any little slip and they'll just run away with it. If you're flexible at all, means you're you're negotiating.

Kyle And Sara Wester (8:57.642)
and it's disrespectful, you don't have a back and forth with kids. There's all kinds of things that feed into that's not being said, but being said in that statement. Give them an inch and they will take a mile. Yeah. Kind of similar to right. If you have that back and forth, if you're actually being flexible, listening to their needs, taking them to account.
then they're likely to just keep pushing it, pushing it, pushing. So you have to be rigid, you have to hold that line, and that leads to the next statement, you have to show them who's boss. They have to know that you are the boss, you're the one that tells them what to do, they do not tell you what to You're in control, and if you're not, they're going to be, and yes. Yeah, so.
What we want to do is I'm sure all of you have heard statements like that or felt that or thought those at times, right? And there's a bunch of more. Yeah. Yeah. And I would love to hear those. If you want to send those to us and email me that or, or put it down like it in a comment below. And we'd love to have you tell us about maybe some of the statements you heard or some much assumptions you had going into parenting. And now I want to kind of move into the way we moved away from punishment or decided before our kids were ever born that we weren't going to do this.
was we started letting go of those ideas. Okay. A lot of those ideas that came from our childhood or from our culture. Okay. Yeah. And so instead we, I want to present a new set. I'm going to present particularly four that I thought were really helpful, Sarah, that helped me shift my archaic brain to actually be open to working with Presenting these new This isn't one of the four, but just the idea that, that, you know, kids want to succeed.
You know, they like how it feels when they do well at things and that they're naturally wired to do it. So we want to kind of move towards that track. So number one, this was a big one. We got this beginning from Brene Brown in her work, it was shame, is they are doing the best they can. And that is a big assumption to switch to. It is. Because when I first heard that, I was like, no, they're not. Oh my gosh, they're not doing the best they can. I know just the other day they did better than that. And so I couldn't wrap my head around it.

Kyle And Sara Wester (11:2.454)
Yeah, I remember hearing this a lot, even in the counseling world to approach people that way. And it's a huge mindset switch. It's really hard because you're thinking, no, they know better.
I think even ourselves, you know, to give ourselves that compassion and grace to go, I'm doing the best that I can. There's a piece of you that says, no, I'm not. I know better. I can do better. Rather it's with exercise, diet, driving, work, whatever the thing is. I could do better. But then there's another piece that knows that for whatever reason, maybe you're grieving. you're stressed. Maybe you're stretched doing 50,000 different things. You're, really are kind of doing the best.
for where you're at right now in your life. And to just allow yourself that grace, we often don't allow ourselves that grace, which also means we don't allow our children that grace. Well, even Sarah, going deeper than that is once you understand the brain science, once you see the behavior of the adult or the kid, you'll go, oh yeah, that was kind of the best they could do in that moment, right? Because for instance, I'm thinking like when you're in pain or when you're sick or when you're overwhelmed or you've been rejected in a relationship, like,
you just aren't doing it as well as you've done in the past. When you felt, which like when you think about it, just take a moment, it totally makes sense. Like when I feel safe and loved and our relationship's great and my friendships are awesome, yeah, am I doing better? I am because everything's great. But when I'm not doing great, then what you were talking about is moving away from the judgment, which is, I think you could do better, to curiosity and saying, I wonder what's going on.
Yes. You know, maybe the kids hungry, maybe the kids tired, maybe maybe the kids jealous. Maybe the kid is sad. Maybe the kid, maybe something happened earlier in the day, but just because somebody has done something or you feel they're capable, there's always more to the story and they're doing the best. And maybe in that moment they do have something triggered them. And so they're not doing as good as they

Kyle And Sara Wester (13:9.326)
could do or something, but they're doing the best they can do in that moment with all things considered. Yeah. Yeah. And I think Brene even talks about with that, it doesn't actually help you to believe the other. When you start to believe they aren't doing it actually is going to hurt your relationship with them. Like they're going to be less open, less receptive, less honest, because they believe you're already in this place of judgment and you're on this high spot and you're telling them,
that they could and the kids like, I don't think I could. Like I felt like I was doing the best I could in that moment, you know, because I was overwhelmed or whatever. Okay. So, so that's to me, that was a huge assumption. That's it. That changes to me, everything. How we, how I interact with you as a spouse, my friends. If you're not just give yourself the challenge for a few days to look at everything, no matter where you're at the grocery store, whatever, just think they're doing the best they can in that moment. Just like watch what happens inside of you. What comes up for you.
And when you say it about yourself, when you say it to yourself, because I think we have that internal voice running all the time that says you're not doing as well. That really works for me in traffic. Got to do that in traffic. So number two is they are motivated to do things that they feel competent and successful at. You know, like they, they,
All of us do that, right? All of us want to... this is just humans. This is just humans. But definitely for children. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and so that's why some of these parents are confused why kids want to play video games so much, right? I mean, video games are very compelling because the kid is playing a game they feel competent and successful at. I tell parents all the time, they're not playing video games they suck at. They're only playing the video games that they feel that they're good at, right? And same with us. We do the same. There's so many things that...
I don't want to do around the house because I don't feel like I can do them. So I'd rather pay somebody else. I don't try to be a plumber. I don't try to like, could I learn it? YouTube, all the information's there. I could learn it probably, but I don't want to take the time to do it because it doesn't feel good to me. Yeah. Well, there's other people I admire, other dads or moms who go, I want that challenge. I want to go learn how to do that, right? Cause they feel competent, successful at learning it and doing it.

Kyle And Sara Wester (15:17.762)
But if they failed and failed and failed and failed and failed, you would see that. you talking about me? I would see that go down. mean, just think about if I, if I, say I went out and tried to play ping pong, never played ping pong. Little did I know I'm a ping pong expert. Somehow I this natural talent. I know I'd be out there playing ping pong. I would think, wow, I didn't know I could do this. Right. And, or if you garden or whatever, whatever it was, if you
Whatever you're successful at, you want to keep doing and children are the same way. What I think we've all experienced that Sarah like that ping pong metaphor is we've had activities that we're good at and then maybe we hit a wall to where we run into people are much better. And like you said, we're failing again and again. And they were like, I don't like that activity anymore. so we quit things. So this is a big assumption though. This goes back to what you believe about kids motivation, like your kids, this is scientifically proven. They are wired to master skills.
I mean, go back to when they were babies. They wanted to walk. wanted to- didn't have to convince them. You didn't have to be like, no, honey, really, I'm telling you, walking is an important thing in No, I want to sit the rest of my life, right? Like they actually want to sleep, even though it's like they may fight it, they actually do want to sleep. It's just many times it's difficult because they think they're missing out on something, right? Yeah. But they actually want to master reading. They want to master math. It feels really good. Competence.
feels really good. It boosts our, you how we feel about ourselves is really tied to our level of how we're, competent we feel in tasks in life. You know, obviously if I threw you into, need to make, I don't know, Thanksgiving dinner or something, you would not feel great about yourself. wouldn't cause you lack the competence. We were like, I got this. I know I'm a great chef. I know how to make, you would go into that situation different. Children are the same way. Yeah. And even every kid I've talked to Sarah about school.
And this comes up a lot with school as parents think that the kid is lazy or unmotivated and they would not get grades unless they threaten them or somehow we're on top of them constantly. It's a real big conflict. Every kid in that situation, I've asked them, what kind of grades do you want to make? And they've all said A's and B's. Occasionally I'll hear a C, but even in those C's, the kid will tell me because they think that teacher doesn't really like them or they that subject in particular is very difficult for them. And so there'll be this like even ownership of like, I think the C is

Kyle And Sara Wester (17:41.442)
the best I can do in that class because of these difficulties, right? But they want to succeed. There's actually, like listeners, hope you, there's actually like a dopamine hit. There's a serotonin. When we learn new things, like when I was learning how to play guitar, every time I learned a new song, there would be this joke, I'd want to learn another new song, right? But if I kept playing guitar and I couldn't seem to learn any songs, after a while I'd stop playing guitar, you know? So when you're seeing the kids looking unmotivated and lazy, that's why this assumption is so important. Your kid,
does want to succeed. Your kid does want to feel competent. They have the same goals you do in regards to that. They want to master these skills for whatever reason they don't believe they can. And that's why you're seeing a lack of motivation. Yes. You see kids who are, let's say their geniuses are really smarter. They're gifted and talented. You know, I'm going to use the terms that you hear out there. Those kids aren't the ones you're like, no, come on. Yeah. Right.
It's the kids who are struggling. They don't feel competent. If you feel good at something, you're going to do it. If you don't feel good at it, hitting roadblocks, whatever those obstacles may be, then you're not going to keep turning in that. Let me do more of that. Yeah. Yeah. But you know, Sarah, there's so many kids I see that that's what their early childhood was like. Elementary school, even middle school was easy. And then high school comes for whatever reason, it's not easy, you know? And then many of them start to like feel less motivated and the parents are confused. Like, why are they not doing? Well, it's because now the kid
thinks that they aren't gonna be as successful in this subject or they don't feel as competent in it and it just doesn't feel good. So they back away from it. Okay, the third assumption that I thought was very helpful to me and I know this may sound silly to some of you listeners, but I believe the opposite, right? Is the idea that they don't want to upset you. They actually know better than you do that their connection with you is vital.
to their survival. Like, I mean, I this sounds super immature and dumb on my part, but I'm just being honest. When we had our first child, our oldest who's 15 now, whenever she was a baby, sometimes I thought she was waking up just to annoy me. You know, I thought, how would it, like, how do you not know that I need to work tomorrow and I need some sleep? And so it sounds silly, but that thought would cross my mind. Like, especially once, and this is why a lot of conflict happens when the kid is two or three, is the parents like, no, now they know.

Kyle And Sara Wester (19:54.636)
Like I explained to them that when they do that, that upsets me. So somehow I would think the kid is doing it to purposely upset me. But now what we know is if you come with something they don't want to, then you can be curious and say, then what was that for? And what a lot of the research will tell you is because they think that's the only way to connect with you. That's the only way you'll notice them is if they act up or mess up. It's really not like they think they want this, but they think they have to accept that. Yeah. Yeah.
And they don't know other ways. They don't always know other ways to get their needs met. Right. So that's where they're lacking skills. And, and they're, they're like, I'll try this. They're, they're, coming into the world, trying to figure out how the world works. They don't know how the world works. So they're going to try different things to see the effect of that. and we need to look at it that way as their little scientists. They're like, Oh, does this, what about this? And what about that? And it's not an attack, personal attack.
It's not that they're evil or bad or something's broken or wrong. Their brain is sorting through things. So we want to come alongside and go, oh, you know what? I can help with that. Yeah. Well, I like that you mentioned in the notes here too. Like I like the idea of them being little scientists and us joining with them instead of seeing them as being manipulative.
we just see the behavior as communication, right? So whatever they're actually not trying to upset you or also even in this, guess, honey, I didn't put this down there. I would be another assumption in this third one is just they're not inherently broken. There's not something that somehow they're messed up and this behavior is just, oh my gosh, look at that. Like they are a little narcissist. we've heard parents say that about like a three-year-old, four-year-old kid. They're a little narcissist. They are purposely.
wanting to hurt that sibling, you know, and they're just like, they're not wanting to do that. Like they actually want you to help them communicate in a way that actually brings more harmony and peace in the relationship. Because I want you to imagine like this little kid, think about how big you are to that little kid. And if you had a boss who was equally as tall as you, like that would be scary. Like you want, you wouldn't want to upset that boss because that boss could get really mad at you and flip out. So you would want to know how to get along with that boss.

Kyle And Sara Wester (22:9.998)
Yeah, and we're humans. I mean, I hear this all the time. So it's out there, social media posts and stuff, but we're made for connection. We're made for relationship. It even affects our longevity, right? So we are literally wired to live longer, happier lives connected to people. So children very much are wired that way for survival. They want to be connected to you. They want to be in relationship with you. don't
they are not trying to threaten that relationship. If you feel like that, just shift it. Cause I'm saying we've been there. We've been there. We're speaking from experience. Yeah. So it's not a judgment, but like, you know, for me, I was like, Oh, I got to shift that because that's not how they're made. If they're testing boundaries and things that is they're so they're figuring out the world and I am in their life. I am trying to help them.
figure this world out as a guide. Yeah, yeah, I love that. So you're the guide, instead of you judging it, summing it up, assuming you know what's going on, you're the guide to not only be curious about what's going on for your own understanding, but I think also for theirs, right? Because what happens there, if I have that assumption, and I know, like you said, we've been there and the parents listening have been there, that this kid is purposely doing this to upset me. It can feel like it. Then the kid will start to own that.
and the kid will start to believe that is what's motivating their behavior as well. I am the one who just upsets mom or dad. That's my role to play in the family. And I'm telling you, if you can nip that in the bud way earlier, it's a lot harder. When I see these kids as the teenage years and they've had that role for a long time, it is pretty cemented in their mind. And it's hard to shift it around to say, dude, I don't believe that's who you are. Yeah. Yeah. In those younger years, the things we say about them and believe about them,
even if we're trying to hide saying it, that wires into their brain more as their identity, you know, especially in those young years, all that, all that stuff that we're saying to them, you know, you've heard it becomes their inner voice, becomes their belief system about themselves. So it's a, it's a lot of pressure, but I feel like it's important to say we want to be careful of that. Well, and then the fourth one, um, and we'll end on this. I'm sure there's more we could talk about, but the fourth one I want to talk about is that kids are naturally helpful.

Kyle And Sara Wester (24:31.538)
Right that that was a big shift for me. Like I really felt like you had to make kids help You know that kids don't want to and so that what that did sir that caused me anytime There was any pushback at all when I asked them to do something helpful It was like ah, see there it is. See kids don't want to help like I remember even saying hey I'd like your help getting the groceries out of the car and if they didn't go yeah You know that I was like see there you go kids don't want to help but what I've noticed with the thousands of kids I've had a chance to work with and you as well
is kids actually want to help. know, they just lost, sometimes don't know how or don't believe they can, or they think when they do, they do it wrong and they get yelled at. back to that competence thing and relationship is important for that. it, depending on how you're asking or how your relationship with is that with that child that will speak to how helpful they seem to be in that moment, right? You know, even, even you and I, if you and I are not in a good place in our relationship,
you asking me to help is going to be very, very difficult. I'm much more resistant and closed off. No, I love that example. that's true for children. It's true in any relationship, you know. And just imagine if you have a family where everybody believes everyone wants to help each other. So I think that assumption helped me be more open and receptive to helping them rather than resisting them. And then that also helped bring that out of them. You know, I loved as a school counselor, Sarah, so many times where a teacher would send a kid to me because they were mad at that kid.
and they wanted that kid to be punished. And I was not gonna do that, because I don't think it helps the kid. But what I would say to the kid, I said, hey, you know what? I think that teacher really is upset at you. You know what I think we could do about this? What if you stayed after school for about 20 minutes after school was over and you helped that teacher clean her classroom or clean, and almost every time that kid would have a smile on their face and say, can I do that?
because the kid was like, oh, that'd be so cool. And what I secretly was doing was I was trying to repair that relationship with the teacher because the teacher assumed that cleaning her classroom was a punishment. Because that's how she feels about it, right? But the kid was like, I get to hang one-on-one with my teacher and I get to clean. And then it was so neat how many times that worked where it just for like a week of doing that, it would change the perception of the teacher towards the kid where the teacher would now start.

Kyle And Sara Wester (26:53.670)
seeing the kid as helpful because the kid had given a chance to be helpful where the kid hadn't really been given that chance before, you know? And I just loved that approach because it was so fun to see them start to bond. And then you'd see lots of times the behavior, the issues the teacher was having started the lesson because the kid felt like they knew how to help the teacher rather than just disrupt the teacher. Yeah. And it builds them up as like, look at you, look how helpful you are. It's
is shining a light on this positive side instead of like, yeah, kid who always acts up or that whatever identity they were beginning to have there, it's shifting it into creating a different identity. think like you said about identity. If you believe the kid's helpful, the kid will start to believe they are helpful. Yeah. And then the kid will go, how can I do that? You know, like it has been really, I mean, there's a lot of things we're still always working on with our parenting, but one of the things I know it sounds silly, but is I brought up the grocery idea, but the fact that
with all three kids, if you or I come home with groceries, like, hey, grocery, they go out to help, not because they're gonna get punished or yelled at if they don't, but because they feel like that's part of what we do, you know? And that you and I would get up and go help too. And we've modeled that and invited them into that because we believe at their core, they wanna help, you know? And that changes it when they're not being helpful, then you go, what's going on there? You know, I wonder what the resistance is because I believe they do wanna help, you know? So I hope these...
assumptions, both the negative ones that we tend to come into, and then these four positive ones in particular that we spoke about can help you start thinking about your own assumptions. What are the assumptions you have about raising kids, about being a parent? We'd love to hear those ideas. And if you want to have a family where you're raising kids with these assumptions, I would love to help you do that. So please reach out to me at Kyle at art of raising humans.com. And I'd love to set up a time with you to talk more about doing that. Okay. So
Hopefully you got a lot from this and we really enjoyed spending this time with you. Have a great day.

Kyle And Sara Wester (28:52.270)
This is gonna be the intro.

Kyle And Sara Wester (29:9.284)
Okay, here we go. Intro to this episode.

Kyle And Sara Wester (29:18.016)
Okay, I have a question for you. What are the assumptions you have about kids? What are the assumptions you came into parenting about being a parent? What are ones that, okay, start over, start over, I like that.

Kyle And Sara Wester (29:36.344)
Here we

Kyle And Sara Wester (29:40.174)
that light out of the way. whatever.

Kyle And Sara Wester (29:51.584)
Every parent comes into the parenting journey with a whole set of assumptions, assumptions they have about children and why they do what they do, assumptions we have about parenting and what parents should and should not be doing. And these assumptions are pretty powerful because they shape our perspectives and our views of the conflicts that happen in our home. they also kind of guide us towards the techniques that we're going to use to raise our kids.
So today I wanna just expose some of those assumptions. The assumptions that I think lead to being a more punitive parent, a parent that is more focused on fear and control and can you shame and those kinds of things. And then the assumptions that really freed me and freed Sarah to be able to imagine parenting in a different way with a new set of skills. And so I'd love for you to take a moment throughout this time to really maybe even jot down or write down the assumptions that you're gonna have and definitely write down the four assumptions.
that we are gonna cover. Cause I think if you can grab those four, it will change so many of the dynamics in your home, in your marriage, and in your other relationships as well, because these four assumptions really do shift your perspective in many ways. If you've never connected to us on Facebook, TikTok or Instagram, I encourage you to stop for a moment, connect with us there, and also take a moment to leave a review and comment on this podcast. Love five star reviews. Also very encouraging to hear from you about how this podcast is helping you.
I mean, Sarah and I obviously are giving of our time and energy just to support families throughout the world because we really have a passion to help kids. So we really love for you and appreciate you taking the time to do that and then enjoy the conversation.