Episode 129

In today's world, there's so many opportunities to say yes to so many things to do with our kids and with our family. And before we know it in the busyness of life, our kids are leaving home and we look back and say, is this the family we wanted? Many of us just haven't taken the time to be intentional about really creating the family that we really wanted to have.

And so today we wanted to bring on a great guest, Kimberly Amici. She's an entrepreneur. She's a podcaster. She's a mother of three. She's got a podcast called build your best family and she's going to give you a tool today, a tool that Sara and I really enjoy using with our kids are looking forward to implementing it with our family more. But it's about how to build a family culture, a real vision for your family, just like they do in a lot of businesses, right? Because when you have a vision,

When you have a culture, when you know what you are about, it helps you be able to say yes and no to things that are good for your family. So I hope you jump in today and listen to what Kimberly's got to share. Take advantage of the tools that she's going to give you at the end of the podcast because it's going to help you to begin to start this conversation where the kids are able to be an active participant with you in forming the family.

that you actually want to co -create together. And if you haven't yet, please stop, take a moment to pause the recording, go on there, rate, review the podcast. We're still having a goal of getting over a hundred reviews. We're not there yet, but would love to have you participate in that. So if you haven't done that, please jump on and take advantage of that now and then sit back, enjoy the podcast and start getting into some intentional parenting and creating the family and culture you want.

Hello and welcome to the Art of Raising Humans. I'm Kyle. Hi, and I'm Sara. And if you followed us for any time at all, you know something we're really passionate about is creating a vision for your family. And really, we believe that having a vision for your family, it just really helps the kids be able to understand what we're about, know? Like what we're passionate about. It's not just about the football team we support or in our case, also the soccer team, whatever sport you're into, right? But it's really about

who we are as humans in this family. it creates such a powerful bond in a family when they have a clear vision, a clear mission statement. And so somebody that we wanted to bring on to help you cultivate that and create that is Kimberly Amici. She is the host of a podcast called Build Your Best Family. It's such a great name, Kim. And she has some magnificent tools to help you create a culture for your family. I'm gonna say welcome, Kim. Thank you for coming.

thank you so much for having me.

And how did you come up with this idea of creating this kind of family culture focus for what you do?

So my story is similar for most people. I had a huge problem in my family life and I needed to solve it. My husband and I, we lived in Manhattan, started having babies, moved to the suburbs, started building our family. But we realized pretty quickly that we were just going from one week to the next, you know, saying, if we can just get through this week, if we can just get through this week, we were filling our plate with lots of incredible things. I was...

Mm -hmm.

taking the kids to school, signing them up for activities, volunteering at school. We're active in our church, we're leading groups, we're doing all the things. But it just felt like we were going nowhere in particular. We were constantly just going with the flow. And I started to wonder, like, when we get to the end of this parenting journey, like, are we gonna look back and go, how did we get here? What did we do? Like, and I just, wanted more purpose. I wanted intention.

Exactly. Yes. Yes.

And a couple of things happened simultaneously. I turned 40 and started working with a life coach that helped me understand how important it is to know what your values were and to actively work them into your life. And then I just always had this sort of love of leadership and business culture principle books that I love to read and love to listen to the podcast. But I was a stay at home mom and I was like.

But I realized that if I combine those principles that helped make a business or an organization successful, which has to do with knowing your values, having a mission statement, knowing where you're going, having a vision, if I could combine those principles with family life, wow, the possibilities were endless. We could decide what we wanted to be known for as a family. We could decide what our values were. We could eliminate the stress of what do we say yes to, what do we say no to, and just to simplify.

Exactly,

life and so I started applying these principles and then started to share them with others.

Well, I'm even thinking as you were saying that I was thinking of Stephen Covey's work and one of his habits of highly successful people is starting with the end in mind, right? And just when you start with the end in mind, then like you were saying is you know what to say yes and what to say no to, which can be such a challenge because sometimes we just get caught up in families do of just doing the next good thing.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Right? And the next thing that pops up and like, we got to do this for the kid. And then in this over kind of schedule eyes culture, like you said, pretty soon we end up at the end and it's, we didn't even know if we wanted to be there. Right.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

Mm -hmm. Yeah, absolutely. And I think a lot, and one of the other struggles we had was this thing, comparison, doing like what everybody else was doing, because that's what the kids across the street were doing, that's what the neighbors were doing, that's what our friends, you know, and our connect group were doing. And I hated being in that place where we were just doing what everybody else was doing, or doing the default of what my family...

Mm

did growing up and what my husband's family did growing up. And then of course, there's a little bit of conflict in there because he's used to doing things one way. I'm used to doing things one way. And so really understanding what we wanted our family to be known for, understanding what we wanted our culture to become and our values solved many of those issues, helped resolve conflict, it helped eliminate the comparison that we had and just the confidence we had in the choices we make was amazing.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah, it sounded like it just, when I hear all that, it's like, it just gave you direction and guide posts kind of clarity. Yeah. Cause then anything that came up, was, this fit inside of this? This thing that we've created, does it fit inside of that? And that is so helpful. Cause like you were saying, there's stuff coming at you all the time. You know, what school do we go to? What, what activities do we do? Who do we hang out with? How are we interacting with each other?

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Yeah.

Yes.

Yes.

When do we have family night? I there's so many like the all the little things of being a parent and a family and so the idea of using this and being able to create this as as a guide for that all of those things sounds so helpful. I'm curious. How do you do this? But how did you get from? here's an idea to actually.

Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Yeah.

you

doing this.

Yeah. So I think we started off with this, and I have this as a resource because it's like the beginning point and it's incredibly easy deciding what we wanted to be known for as a family. And that process was just first coming together with my spouse. And I know not everybody may be able to do that if their spouse is on board, they can still set intention for their families. But deciding, okay, so what was it like growing up for me? What did I love about growing up?

Yeah.

Yes, yep.

What do I want to have nothing to do with anymore? What do I want to offer that I wasn't given? And just sitting down and starting to articulate those things was the first step for us. And that's the first step I share with people that I work with. I even go so far as to ask people the question.

Yeah,

What were the sights and the sounds and the smells of your home? What were the things that brought you comfort and peace and then you start to think well, what does it look like to duplicate those experiences? When I first started this journey, we got our kids involved in the conversation So we sat them down and we're like, okay guys like what do you think? People say about us, right? What do you think we're known for right and that was a little bit of a hard question for them And then I said, okay. Well, let's talk about some of the families we know in our neighborhood

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Yeah.

When I say, you know, so and so's, you know, the neighbor across the street, what do you think of? And they immediately were able to say, she's got the best snacks. Our neighbor across the street happens to be, hey, that's a thing, right? Yes, yes.

Yeah.

I know, I know. We were that family too, Kim, as kids. Yeah, all the kids like to come to my house. My mom would get mad because all the snacks would be gone. Mom, like they'd come over for those snacks.

Yeah.

Yeah. And she was a boy mom. So my girls would love to go over because she just sit them at the island and she would chit chat with them because she was so excited to have that kind of energy in her house. And so they loved talking to her. They loved just going over and she had like an open door policy. You show up at her house, you're probably be there for another 30, 40 minutes. Like they loved that about our neighbor. We brought up another family that they were friends with and they were like, well, we like hanging out with them, but they fight a lot.

You

Hmm, yeah.

yeah.

and their nanny doesn't stop them. And we were like, whoa, okay. So they were starting to understand that they understand the concept of culture without even it being explained to them. So they knew these are things that I can expect when I go to our neighbor's house. These are things that I can expect when I go to their house. And so we started to say, well, what do you want people to expect when they come to our house?

Yes.

Yep. Yep.

And so that helped. mean, my husband and I had had the conversation initially. We talked about like what was important to us, what we were passionate about, what are the lessons we wanted to pass on to them. And this wasn't like deep or heavy. This was like cup of coffee, glass of wine, big paper, magic markers. Like we want them to be smart about money. Like we just kind of listed a few things that we were like, we missed the boat on.

Yes, yeah, yeah,

So we had that initial conversation and then the kids came alongside us and they're like, well, we hope people think we get along and that they don't feel weird at our house because we're arguing. And we were like, that is a win because if you try to teach your kids that, you know, they might roll their eyes and they'd be like, whatever. But they were like, no, like they were beginning to take ownership over who we were as a family. you know, and they said things like, well, we love to play games. So we love playing games with people when they come over. And that's kind of like what we're known for.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like people are like, yeah, we're waiting for the Amici. So like, say, let's play a game. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so they were just like, and they love to eat. Our families are big foodies. So like we love cooking for people. And so that was just, that was an initial step of like, just what are the things? I mean, of course there was things like kindness and, you know, fun and compassion and, you know, but it was, it,

Any moment now they're going to pop out a card game or board game. I love that. I know.

Yeah.

was just a mixed bag of things that we were able to bring together and start to build out a framework.

man, I love that. It's such an easy step to do, but I don't know any other families doing that. All right. So I love, I love just throwing that out there. I hope all the listeners who are listening, if you just take that one step today of just this weekend, sit down, what are we known for? Cause as you're, as you're talking, Kim, I'm thinking of all the things that my parents never purposely say we're known for this, but, that we were right. And that there was actually some pride.

Mm

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

in some sense of like, man, I'm so proud that my family is this family. But then there was also some shame over like, but my family is also this family, right? And then I know there's ways in which Sara and I have been really intentional about saying things even like, we want to be that family that other families want to come over and bring their kids over here, right? Where they always feel safe, they always feel connected, they always feel seen. So even like we're real intentional about when kids come in our house, we

Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Yep.

say hi to them, we make eye contact with them, we talk with them, right? We don't want any of the kids just to walk in and be like, hey, and then just go upstairs with our kids, right? But instead, it's always like there's an engagement. So there's things we've done intentionally, but I don't think we've ever verbally, like written it down or, you know, visually written it down. We've just kind of more said it. So how powerful would that be to actually write it down and say, Hey, this is what we are. And this is where we'd like to go, right? Very, very powerful step.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And then when you have the opportunity to make a decision, you have a foundation. I mean, there have been times when my husband has said no to things and I'm like, hey, we said, like, we wanted to be that family. So I know you don't want five boys, grown boys is what we were dealing with now, because my oldest is a senior in high school. I'm like, I know you might feel like having.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah.

these boys in the backyard, but we said we were gonna do this. So why don't we go ahead and open the garage, set up the ping pong table, you know, that's, know, so constantly bringing it back to the values too, and not being like, why are you being such a pain in the butt? Like, you know, like, who cares? I'm gonna be the one cleaning it up anyways, right? Like instead of having that conversation, I'm able to say, hey, we said this was important to us. We love being in this house. So I'm gonna go ahead and I'm gonna.

Mmm... yes.

I love that. Yes.

Yes.

Yeah.

buy those pizzas and have them delivered, you know? Whereas you might, you know, there was an instance when money was a little bit tight and I got some pushback on my daughter having a bunch of friends over one day and it was for like a little secret Santa under the Christmas party. And I was like, babe, we said we would be this house and we said we would be generous and this is a small thing we can do. And for that particular instance, it just turned into this extraordinary experience where I had one on one time.

Hmm.

with these six middle school girls that were in the middle of this friendship drama. And after I fed them, they started to ask me questions and they started to open up about what was going on in their friend group. And I couldn't have done that if I hadn't stuck to our values and constantly gone back to like who we wanted to be. And that afternoon was so transformative for all of those girls. And it really did. And they were in middle school, laid the foundation for us to continue to have relationships for them throughout high school and now they're in college. And so...

Yeah.

Yeah.

just continually going back to those values and not making minute to minute decisions about family life based on your emotions or how you're feeling, but really going back to those values.

Yeah. Yep.

Yeah, it almost kind of like centers you or grounds you, right? So then when the winds of life are blowing you a certain direction, you're like, yeah, but this is who we said we want to be. So let's keep focused there. We have one of the tools that that after I got to speak with you and be on your podcast is I wanted you to really talk to us about the family retreat.

Yeah.

packet that you put together. We really enjoyed looking through that. So many great questions and really practical things that families could do on just like a small staycation or even if you wanted to go away, but kind of tell us more how you came up with that and what's kind of tell our audience more about.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah, so as I was digging into these principles that help an organization thrive, one of the things that many of these organizations do is they give and receive feedback. And I know at the time, my husband's company that he worked for was doing these 360 peer reviews, which means that in an organization, you're reviewing up to your superiors and you're reviewing the people that are working for you and you're reviewing the people that are working side by side.

Right, so you're getting the 360 view of how you are in the workplace, how are you performing, how are you relating to one another. And I just thought this would be really powerful in our family because I talk about getting to the end. I didn't want to get to the end of my parenting journey and have my kids show up, go to therapy and show up with this long list of items that I did wrong. And they never told me, hey.

Yes. Yes.

I'd like this to be different or this is, this doesn't make me happy. And so I said, what if we really like hunkered down and we made this a thing and we got together and really like sought our kids opinions and their heart about how we're doing as a family. What are we getting right? Are you feeling loved? What else do you need from us that we're not giving you? And we did it and they were so extremely receptive to it. It was such an incredible experience to hear what they had to say. And we were able to take action on the things that they suggested to us.

And so we started it at a very young age, which is the best time, never too late, but the best time because their requests are simple. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yeah. And so, yeah, it was just, it was so pivotal for us because even the, my three kids got to rate one another on a different, like on this, these criteria. And you would think that this would be like,

Yep, yep.

And they're probably even more honest then too. Right? You know?

my goodness. Yes. Yes.

Horrible, right that there would be nothing but fighting but you'd be surprised because we created a really fun environment You know, talked about in the packet, you know Suggested activities so you want to go like, you know Sit down session feedback session and then you want to do something fun ice cream Frappuccinos throwing the football around the park mini golf Whatever you're gonna like alternate just like if you would go to a corporate retreat There'd be like team building activities. Yeah Yeah

Yes, yep. Some team building activities, all those things,

And just the atmosphere that was created, they were able to be honest with each other. They were humble enough to be like, you're right. Like I do lie all the time. I do make up stories or, you know, and then allowing them to just be honest and to just affirm them in it and be humble enough to hear what they had to even say about us was just incredible.

Yes.

So, you said you started when they were really young with this. And now that they're young adults, right? Your children are all. So you've had some time to see this play out. What is their response? What do you hear from them about having done this at a young age and them kind of growing up with this experience and this dialogue with you?

Mm -hmm. Yeah.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Well, what's really exciting is that now I have adult children. They came home from school this summer. They're my two oldest. And I was like, OK, guys, family meeting. We're in new territory. My two daughters, they just turned 19 and 21. And I'm like, you're grownups. We need to work together as a team. I need to know what you need from us. We've never done this before.

Yeah.

and here's what we need from you and here's what we think the summer is going to look like and what is it that we can do to support you like in your adultness. And so I would say it's been wonderful that they are used to that kind of openness that they can kind of say like I need you to back off or I need you to help me more or I need

Yes, yes.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

So, you they haven't we haven't gotten to the point where they've like looked at us and said you wise parents You're amazing. Thank you, but Maybe when they have kids though, they'll kind of start to put it all together But they're they're open to those kinds of conversations and when we come to them and we say hey What is it that you need in this season? But I'm doing this for the first time like they're taking us seriously and they're and they're like, I don't know. Let me think about

Not there yet. Not there yet, right? Yes, not there yet.

And then we can go a couple of weeks into the summer into our new thing and they can be like, hey, here's what I need from you. So there's an openness and an honestness and something that's a good thing that most parents might be like, I'm not ready for is as young adults, they're calling us out on our stuff. Like they're saying, hey, you said this or.

Yeah. Yeah.

you said that's who we are or they're not afraid to kind of, I don't know, for lack of a better word, like get up in our face and be like, I thought you said. And then again, we're like, you're right, right? They're not calling us names. The work that we've done with the family retreat packet and just over the years has given them language for accountability.

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Mm -hmm.

And having the right language and the right approach just avoids all of the stress and the bickering or the name calling or the resentment that can sometimes happen in families unknowingly, right? Because we all have blind spots. And so this feedback really allows you to do your best. You're not going to be perfect, but do your best at eliminating those blind spots that you have.

And that communication that relationship you're describing that is so powerful. And isn't that what we want? You know, that's my dreams that when my kids are older, we're having these honest conversations, they they feel like they can come to me, they feel like there's this openness and honesty, and trust in that relationship. That's just beautiful. Well, when you're creating a culture, but in that culture, like a pattern.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

of authenticity, of vulnerability, of openness. know, Kim, there's a lot of parents lately who've been bringing kids, especially at the beginning of the summer, who were coming back from college and they were concerned about, man, whatever was the pattern they had when the kids were in high school, they were really concerned how, I don't think that's going to work now because we've never, you know, now they're an adult and now they've got like, but if you've been having these regular conversations, then there's not really that fear.

Mm -hmm.

Mm

Mm -hmm.

Cause you're like, yeah, it is going to be different. mean, we know that they know that that's why we're going to talk about it. And we're having these regular conversations. Like you said, I think in your, your packet, you encourage them to do this yearly, just like you would in a business organization, because so much is changing, you know, as they're going through puberty, as they're hitting those high school years, whatever, if you're having this on a yearly basis, even I love the idea that the kids are looking forward to it. They're like, man, I've been kind of

Mm -hmm. Yeah. Yeah.

Mm -hmm. Yeah.

afraid to ask for this or I've been hesitant to say that or I just been busy and haven't brought this up. So I know for sure in about a month when we have that retreat, I'll get to talk to my mom and dad about this thing that's been bothering me or this way in which I feel like we haven't been true to our culture, you know? And I'm sure some of those conversations have happened with you and your kids too.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and we have taken, like again, we haven't gotten everything perfect, but there's been things that they've brought to our attention that we have actively worked at changing. And that gives us credibility as parents because then they're going, okay, they really do value what I have to say. You know, I've had them, you know, they all got together and was like, yeah, we're always late for things and we hate it. And I'm like.

Yeah. Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah, you know, and I really worked toward being that family that was there before the event started, like not running in and skirting in. you know, one of the things that my oldest said is I need you to be more on top of me and my schoolwork. But she had great grades. But like she wanted me to check in and make sure I was she was doing all the things she was supposed to be doing. And so that that spoke care to her. And so follow through was so important at the end of these retreats. And, you know, we may not do it all the time, but

Yeah. Mm -hmm.

you know, if we can just take the things that they share with us and make movement in the direction that they say, but that allows them to feel loved and seen and supported, then that's just, it's so life -giving to them and it's so life -giving to your relationship.

Yeah.

You know, as soon as we got your retreat package, we showed it to some good friends of ours. And I'm sure like a lot of listeners, their first response was, I'm so scared of what they would say about how I'm doing, how they would rate how I'm doing and how, and I'm sure a lot of listeners that is very vulnerable. And it's something that most of us never had modeled in our, with our parents as much as they loved us and wanted good things for us. That feedback was not asked for, nor was it.

Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

nor was it wanted, you know? And because there would be this risk, the fear that they're gonna give this feedback that's really, I'm gonna feel ashamed, I'm gonna feel like a failure. So was there ever a moment sometimes in some of that feedback where it was kind of hard for you to receive it?

Mm -hmm.

yeah, I think that there are moments where, you know, you really have to be humble enough to say, okay, if my three kids are saying the same thing, this must be true. This, because there's a tendency to want to say, why is everybody yanking up on me? Right. Right. And so if you can say, okay, this is not clearly there's some overlap with what is being said. I really have to stop and I have to self reflect and

Yes, stop picking on me, man.

So that can be an obstacle and that definitely has happened in our family. But within the retreat and what we've tried to do is always like when we're discussing the answers. So we will have the kids answer a series of questions and we'll discuss the answers. And we always lead with like how much we appreciate their feedback, but also like encouragement. So as we're encouraging them and their answers, they...

they definitely are encouraging us with their feedback. So I think one of the questions that we use is like, what are three things? And I've changed ours over the years. So it's been a while since I've done the younger, the original version, because as my kids have gotten used to the questions, like I'm trying to be a little bit more savvy. But one of the questions that we asked, were like, just use three words to describe mom, use three words to describe dad. And even if they're bringing something to your attention that they're unhappy with, like maybe someplace else in the questions.

Yeah, yeah.

Yes, that's good. Yes.

they're probably saying that you're fun, that you're funny, that you're loving, you know, and then we ask like, what do you enjoy doing with mom and dad? What would you like to do more of? they're, it's not all gonna be like, you're a horrible parent and, you but there might be things like, I just want to get ice cream with you more, or I really like when you, you know, I don't know, pick me up from school or wake up before I leave from school or like whatever it is, you're getting, hopefully it's...

Exactly, exactly.

Yeah. Yeah.

with positive, right? And I wouldn't even say that, I hate to even use the word negative, because really we want to see our blind spots. So how can we grow and how can we be a better mom, be a better dad? And those really, I feel like you can just look at them as opportunities for growth and look at them as opportunity for bridges in your relationship. They really do become a positive.

Well, and as you're open and receptive to that feedback, you just like in a work environment, you start to create this culture where everybody's open that right. So we're then siblings can share that with each other, like you said, and it doesn't have to be something where they secretly resent the sibling who, who they're always going to be like this. They're never going to change. Right. So I hope the listeners hear that, that if you're, hearing that kind of language among the siblings or, even like dad's always like this or mom's always like that, like these kinds of conversations.

Mm -hmm.

Mm

Right.

are what lead to change because we can actually discuss them openly. And like you said, then intentionally show that we are working on this. I don't think any kid actually expects us to be perfect. They actually don't want it because that's a high bar for them to live up to, right? So what they actually, what they want us to be is actually open and comfortable with our strengths and weaknesses with ourselves and with them. And through doing like intentional work like this, you know, just like I'm

Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

Mm

Mm -mm.

Yeah.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

I'm sure Kim, you've worked in environments like this. I had one boss who I just really appreciate. He do like exactly what you were saying in a sense of that kind of feedback. They didn't have that back then, but I do remember him always sitting down once a year and not only giving me feedback, but he was the executive director would ask me to tell him what he could work on.

And it was always kind of scary at first, because he'd like, can I be honest with you? Because I really don't like, like he was really bad at ignoring you when you walk down the hallway, where he would just be thinking about whatever big idea he had. And you'd say hi, and he wouldn't say hi back. And when you'd say that to him, he was very open and like, wow, I'm so sorry, I need to get better at that, right? And so there, that really taught me this is what leadership looks like. know, whereas in lots of us, we grew up in homes where the authority figure was always right, even when they were wrong.

Yeah.

Mm

Like so even whatever they did that was not healthy or that you didn't like that's more on you than it is on them Right and there was no Avenue towards change So I really love this tool and I hope families, you for all listeners will have this link to this tool in the show notes and I hope all families take advantage of it printing off because it starts to create this pathway to how we can change and how we can help form each other

Yeah. Yeah.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

into the humans we really want to become.

Mm -hmm, mm -hmm. Yeah, and I mean, just like everything that we're doing for our children, we're training them to be adults, right? And so they're eventually going to be in environments. I mean, they're in environments now in school, but they're eventually going to be in environments where they're going to need to be able to receive feedback, that they need to have this as a skill, that when their boss comes to them and says, hey, like, I'm not seeing the performance I need in this area, they're not going, like making excuses or pushing back on it, but they're saying, okay, if you've bringing this to my attention, this might be an...

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

this might be something I need to work on. And so that's just an invaluable skill that they're taking into adulthood as well.

Yeah.

or getting really defensive when the boss gives that feedback. Like, my boss just hates me. Instead, they've seen you as parents model this where you got some uncomfortable feedback at times and you received it and you just took it into account. It's not in a personal attack. I love the valuing too that no matter how old they are, their voice matters and how powerful that is that you as the parent wanted their voice, wanted their thoughts and you took that to heart because

Mm -hmm.

Mm

The confidence that would build in them is just beautiful. Cause then when they do, like you said, go out into that world, not only do they learn how to take feedback, but they learn that their voice matters and they can go to a boss and say, Hey, I don't like this. Or there's something about this that's bothering me. And they have this already wired into them to look for a boss or to be in relationship with people who should listen to them and should value them. So if that doesn't happen for them.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

something would go off of, a second, my voice matters. Why are you dismissing me? And they would have the confidence to be able to go into those conversations. I just think it's giving them so many beautiful tools to go into adulthood with.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, and relationships. They're future spouses, the people that they're going to be in relationship with. Yeah.

Yeah. That's so good. Well, Kim, how can our audience find out more about you if they're more interested in the work they're doing, kind of point them your direction?

Yeah, so you can find me at buildyourbestfamily .com and that's where you'll find the freebie, the family discussion culture sheet where you can download those questions for you and your spouse, or there's also an additional sheet with that resource that's questions you can ask your kids. And then on the website you'll find under resources, you'll find that family retreat packet.

Yeah.

So that's where you can find me. I am on Instagram, although I'm not so active these days. We're kind of like, you know, spending less and less time on social media, but I am on social media and that's where I occasionally will share stories, podcast episodes and stuff like that.

Yeah.

That's great. So I encourage all the listeners jump on there. The fall just before the holidays would be a great time to do this because you know, school is making everything so busy. All the activities are ramping up. So maybe it'd be a good time, maybe over that holiday break even to, to break this out and be like, Hey, let's do a reset going into the next year and really be intentional about the kind of family that we're wanting to create. And it's not just up to dad or mom or whatever. We're all co -creators.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

this family together and we all have a say in the family we want. So, man, really appreciate your time, and coming on and sharing that. We're excited. We haven't done our retreat yet, but I want to do it. We're actually leaving for vacation sometime in the next few weeks. And so it'd be great to take that with us even and make that part of the discussion to be able to sit down and come back with some real focus because we think we've done it, but I think what happens when I looked at your retreat package, it just really fine tuned it for us.

Mm -hmm.

Mm -hmm.

I just really love that tool and hope everybody takes advantage of it. So thank you for your time today and coming on with us.

Mm -hmm.

thank you so much for having me. It's been such a pleasure.