Episode 116

I think all of us as parents want our kids to really feel like they are seen and heard and valued in our families. And many times we're making decisions, we're doing things in our families and there's just not communication happening. And there's all types of reasons why that's happening. But then that leads to all types of unintended consequences. And so for Sara and I 

 

I think all of us as parents want our kids to feel like they are seen, heard, and valued. And one of the most important steps that Sara and I have found accomplishes that is communication. But there's all types of reasons why families just aren't communicating with each other. All types of ways why kids just don't feel valued and heard. So today we're gonna give you two clear steps on how to change those dynamics in your family this very day.

 

So listen to the podcast today, take those steps, start implementing them. And I'd love to see how that changes those interactions, deepens your relationship with your kid. Cause I think there's a lot of topics that you're, we're not even thinking about as parents that we could be talking about and that kids actually want to discuss with you. Like they want to have some input on this and they want to hear your wisdom in return. So before you jump into it though, take a moment to pause. We'd love for you to rate, review, comment on this podcast. It is so important to us.

 

We love the feedback. It is so helpful. It helps your voice be heard and it helps us create a podcast that specifically benefits your family. And that's what we want to do. So I hope you enjoy the podcast.

 

Hello, welcome to the Art of Raising Humans. I'm Kyle. And I'm Sara. And today we want to hit upon a topic that I've seen over and over again, Sara, is causing some issues in families, okay? Like it seems like it's causing a lot of unnecessary conflict because what I'm seeing is a lack of communication where families aren't sharing what's going on with the family.

 

You know? Yeah. But bigger than that, I think they're missing some really cool opportunities. Yeah. You know? And so I notice this as I'm writing down the different topics that we wanted to cover over the next few months. We've got some great topics for this audience the next few months. A lot of great ideas. And actually a lot of those ideas are coming from people we're helping, right? Yeah. So we're not just making these up out of our heads. We really do take the feedback and use it. I mean, we, you guys are our source of.

 

what we're gonna talk about, what we're gonna share, what's helpful, what's needed out there. And so I'd love for anybody listening right now, and this has been happening lately, where people have been reaching out to us at the email. The email is kyle at artofraisinghumans .com. I'd love if you just have a question. If you're just like, hey, could you cover this? Like it really helps us be able to create the content specifically for this audience. And so if you think we're too busy, we will read them.

 

So just reach out and say, Hey, I'm dealing with this with my kid. I really was wanting you guys to cover that. So I just wanted to take a moment to let you know those get read and we use them to build content down the road as parents too. We understand where things will crop up and, and you're thinking now what, or, or you would love some additional thoughts on it. And so as parents ourselves who enjoy that, we love to be a voice in that world too. And I know Sara and I listened to a lot of podcasts and

 

We think, I'd never reach out, because they're probably way too busy. And we are busy, but we want to read these emails. We want to read these comments. I mean, even it's just a comment to say how much you enjoy it. And you're like, I just left you a five star review. And all those are very encouraging, right? Because it takes time to put these together, and we really want to help as many families as we can. We just love the whole community of parents. We're all doing this really hard thing together. And so hearing from other parents, talking with other parents.

 

All that is very special to us and we that's something that's a priority. So this is a perfect segue to what we're talking about is today we're talking about the power of communication in families, you know, and Sara, I was inspired by this because even like in the practice when I'm meeting with kids or meeting with families, many times over the past decade that I've been doing this, I am kind of surprised when a kid shows up and a kid is mad.

 

And I'll say to the kid, why you seem angry? Typically you like coming and because of what I do, but I didn't even know about the appointment until just like five minutes ago, right? and I'll be like, they didn't tell you the parents didn't let you know. No, they didn't let me know at all. Or some cases, even a kid is at home playing with another friend and they're asked to just leave that situation and go, I'm like, this is not a recipe for success, you know? And so there's those kinds of big moments where a kid is just completely confused, but also moments where a kid will be like,

 

I think we're going on vacation this summer. I'm like, where? I have no idea. You know, I'd be like, you have no idea. No, I don't know if we're going for two weeks, a couple of days. Like, so you guys haven't discussed this at all? Like, no, we haven't discussed. So that's kind of surprising when you and I hear those kinds of comments. Yeah. Yeah. I think a long time ago, probably because we're therapists. So, you know, communication, talking about things is sort of our, our deal. But, we, we started bringing that. We definitely brought that into our family.

 

and have loved it. And so it's one of those things of, wow, this is so rich and amazing. I see how all the things it brings to our family. And so you want other families to have that too. And you see sometimes the challenges that arise just from not having communication. Well, and I think the communication is so natural for us. If anybody on this podcast can't tell, I'm a talker. So I naturally want to communicate everything anyways. But I know as you and I,

 

We're married and we started having kids. It just seemed to, you know, we didn't have to be like super intentional about it. It just kind of flowed. But lots of it does come from our training and wanting to communicate. But then we realized, other families aren't necessarily doing this. They're not. Maybe they've never, maybe it wasn't ever done with them. Maybe it just never occurred to them. Yeah. You know, I mean, a lot of it's like, you're the adult, you're the parent, you take care of everything. And so sometimes it's just never even been a thought or an idea to how much or what.

 

to communicate with your kids. Well, let's let's start there. So in since you and I do it, and we love it and bring so many great benefits. Some of us will be thinking, how come other how come some of these other families aren't doing it, right? So let's talk about what are some reasons why families don't communicate these details to their kids. And the first one I thought is the allies families are really busy. You know, yeah, it's just go go go go from the time they wake up to the time they go to sleep. And so there just isn't like

 

in their world enough time maybe they feel like to communicate. Yeah, I mean, think about it. You get up, you get your kids out the door to school, daycare, whatever it might be. You're going to work or maybe you homeschool. Yeah, yeah. But it's like breakfast, get ready, feed the dogs, sit down to school. You really don't. I mean, life is, I think, a big rush for a lot of people. We don't have a lot of slow moments. And we're just exhausted. Yeah. The parents are exhausted and they just don't think about it because their brains are...

 

I just want everybody to go to sleep and we can do all this again. And then on the weekends, they're not wanting to discuss a list after wanting to relax and do other things. Yeah. I would say for the most part, I bet most people have a to -do list that doesn't ever get all checked off. You know? So then it's like, how do I fit another thing in there? I mean, my just day to day is full enough. So another one I wrote down was, I think a lot of families don't do it because of old school parenting techniques, you know? And what I mean by that is kind of how you and I were raised. Sometimes it was

 

parents just don't think it's their job to share this stuff with kids because it's like it's not kids decisions it's parent decisions you know these are things that parents need to decide and kids just kind of go on board and go with those decisions I definitely have heard that I mean old -school current school whatever it might be you do hear a lot of and some of this will get to and we agree with but there is this just

 

their kids. So you don't share all that. You're supposed to just make the decisions, take care of everything and you don't share all of that. I remember as a kid when my parents did involve us, we moved, you know, and so they were very vocal about the moving process and where and what and why. And, and as a kid who moved a lot, that was very, very helpful for me. And so I was always very, very grateful that they did bring me into that because, you know, we'll get to benefits of it later. But you know,

 

I would say in my experience, that wasn't the case. I mean, we didn't move, we stayed in the same place. But I don't remember a lot of communication going on about what we were doing on a daily basis. It was more just like this is happening. You know, lots of times it was like, parents would wake up on a Saturday and be like, this is what we're doing today. It was just like, what I like a lot of conflicts were created because of a lack of communication. You know, I had in my mind, what I wanted to do that day, and then all of a sudden, whatever became urgent.

 

was thrust upon everybody else to do that. So I feel like sometimes it was just, in that sense, there was, we're making decisions, get on board. Another one was just, kind of you hinted at it, was just this idea of not thinking about it and not being intentional about it. It's not that you don't want to share with them, it's just you're not thinking that's something that needs to be shared. And so you're just...

 

Sometimes you're just learning that information that day and you're in a rush and you're like, you have an appointment for this. You've got the dentist tomorrow and it's just, everything's happening so fast that you're just constantly in the state of reacting to the information rather intentionally planning it and you know, with the kid, you know? and then, then the, the, the last one I was thinking too was, not sure how to communicate the information. Yeah. So, so even if we're going to share it, I don't know what to say to the kid. I don't know how to.

 

How do we get all the family to sit down and have this conversation? Yeah. And also, I mean, big concerns. I know a lot of parents are, well, I want to share, but they're young or whatever. I don't want to overload them. I don't want to share too much. Are they old enough for this? So a lot of just the, I don't want to hurt them or harm them or what's my job as a parent. And so I can definitely relate to and feel, you know, this whole, I want to take care of my kids. So.

 

You know, how do I do that? Well, and so I think those are the ones I wrote down, Sara. I wonder if you're a listener and you're you guys are in your family, you don't communicate a lot of this stuff on a regular basis. What are some other reasons that we haven't thought of? Those are just the ones that I thought as I sat down with this and maybe I've heard from other families, but I'd love to hear from you. Maybe another obstacle to doing this type of communication. You know, maybe I guess one other thing of maybe in the marriage there isn't a lot of communication going.

 

You know, so maybe that would be hard if both parents aren't on the same page, you know, or if there is a co -parenting thing or a divorced home where it's difficult to really express, right? So those might be challenges, but feel free. We'd love to hear those. So now I want to get into why do we think it's so helpful? So if you are a family that isn't communicating, you're listening to what we're saying. You've noticed that and you're like, yeah, I wish we did that more.

 

Why? Why go to the effort of communicating more intentionally the details of family decision? So what are the benefits? You know, the first one I thought of Sara was it just helps kids have less anxiety. You know, we know that anxiety comes from not knowing what's going to happen in the future, you know. So if I don't know from day to day what the plan is, I'm going to be a little more anxious about that because I feel like it's just all happening to me. I don't really have any control over the future. So that's probably the biggest like outcome I see of kids.

 

who don't have a lot of communication at home, is they're just anxious a lot about the day -to -day plans. Yeah, because it could be small things, it could be big things they know are coming and they don't. So maybe, let's say moving, because that's an easy one for me to think. If you know, okay, we're going to be moving. Kids, sometimes we don't realize that a law is rolling around in their heads. Yes. Especially maybe they haven't moved very much before, so they don't know what to expect or maybe they've moved a lot and some things have gone well and some things haven't. So they also know

 

all of that stuff. So that's rolling around that my friends, my school, my, my room, my routines, all that stuff can be going through. So plug in anything that's moving, but plug in anything you want into that. And kids, sometimes they're not very aware. They can't come to you and say, I'm thinking about this. Yeah. But that stuff is inside of them and all that anxiety, all that unknown future just really messes with them. Man, even as you're saying that since I never moved Sara,

 

I remember being anxious about that, you know, I remember needing you to communicate to me since you'd moved so much, and you seemed so comfortable with it. I was looking at our house going, how is this going to happen? I was so anxious about it. And so when you would just say, this is how it's going, you broke it down for me, who I could take a deep breath and go, okay, because I was just like, my mind was just blown away with all the details.

 

that I couldn't even possibly imagine because I'd never moved. So I'm thinking we're gonna forget this. It's almost like that feeling of even when you go on vacation that you're gonna forget something. But I was like, no, Sara's got it. Sara knows how to organize this. So that helped put me at ease. So I think if you have an anxious kid, lots of times you'll notice, and many parents will say this, that if you give them the details, if day to day they know what's gonna happen in advance, you'll see that anxiety lesson. But the second benefit I thought that I love about this is,

 

kids just get to practice making choices. Right? And so when we're talking about big decisions or even small decisions, kids get to practice saying, I like that, or I want to do this, or I prefer this way. And what that leads to is more commitment. Then when we do these things, like even when it comes to something like coming to therapy, you know, if a kid, lots of times I'll encourage parents who are thinking about having their kid come see me. First, I'll want to meet with those parents and I want to work with them because I believe they're the biggest

 

help to that kid, but then I'll say, hey, when you're talking to the kid, present it this way, that the kid's gonna have more buy -in if they know they're coming to see me to help you, you know? And then when the kid comes of their own choice and they're a part of that decision making, they're much, I mean, you just see a difference there. You know, when you work with kids, you see a much bigger difference in that session with the kid because the kid's just much more open. The kid's like, cool, I wanna be a part of this process. Whereas man, we've helped kids who...

didn't feel like it was their choice. And that is not as near as much fun, you know, cause it's just hard to help that kid. Nobody likes to be in that position. I think another big area, the school year. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When, when they, you're going to see a lot more commitment if it's, you know, if they're a part of that plan, that knowing what the school year is going to look like all the, all the events, the extracurricular, the schedule, the routines that you, you want.

 

If they're part of that process, part of that communication, way more commitment. Yeah. I was also thinking even just how the morning goes, you know, like lots of families will be a lot of conflict in the morning or after school and lots of things because the kid doesn't even realize they have a choice and how that morning goes, how breakfast goes, when they get woken up, how they get woken up. I mean, all the, if you're talking about this stuff with the kid, then the kid is more likely to.

 

be able to be committed to waking up because they asked you to wake them up that way. Yeah. Or they said they would like and so what time are you waking up and what are we doing? Because it's important to them to be in to be at school on time or they want to start school by a certain time so they can be done by a certain time. All those things when they when you're talking out and you're thinking about those things a lot of us parents we have that ability. We're really good at that because we have that prefrontal cortex development. So we're really good at seeing all that. But when we lay it out for them

 

and they see how we come to these decisions and the things that we're considering, then you're developing that inside of them. They're seeing that process. They're way more committed to it. They're learning that skill. What I love what you just said there too, it is we're using our prefrontal cortex, that ability to think into the future and plan these things, right? And yes, your kid is young, but even at the age of four and five and six,

 

your kid is actually needing to strengthen that prefrontal cortex and practice that ability to make decisions. It is a skill, you know? So when you do this with them, you're actually teaching them how to do that in the future, you know? So yes, kids are naturally impulsive. They're naturally really present focused. It is more challenging for them to think about the future, but that's actually why you want to do it with them and be really intentional because just like brushing their teeth.

 

or just like going to sleep or eating food, all of these things are skills they have to learn. So making decisions, planning for the future, these are things that you can do with them on a daily basis. Yeah, so just real quick for, I'm assuming a lot of people probably, I don't know, I feel like this is out there a lot, but just in case. So that front part of your brain, the ability to plan ahead and consequences, all that stuff happens in the front part of your brain.

 

That's the part of brain where you hear it doesn't really fully develop to well into your twenties. So it's not that it doesn't exist at all for children. It's just imagine, you know, a really simplistic form of that working and you want to strengthen that. You want to build more neural connections in the brain. You want those things to get stronger and better. And what we know is that little kids and teenagers and stuff, they will borrow our ability to do that. So the more we're with them and we're modeling that

 

the whole time that's going on, their brain is going, that's how I do it. that's how I do it. And it's building all these connections so that it can, hopefully it'll get better and better. And, and so you won't see this fully till they're in their twenties, but that's what we're talking about that you want to do it with them because you're wanting to see that when, when teenagers say, I don't know why I did that. They don't know why they did that because that's not the part of their brain that was working in that moment. But we're trying to do that with them so that they'll be better and better at going,

 

Why am I doing this? Do I want to do this? Is this going to get me where I want to go? Yeah. So I'm thinking, yeah, that's another benefit. It helps them to be less impulsive, more intentional about what they're doing on a daily basis. Another one I wrote down, Sara, helps resolve, helps them teach conflict resolution skills.

 

because inevitably when you're talking about what we wanna do and the choices we have to create a different future, to create a routine for the school year, there's gonna be conflicts, there's gonna be differences of opinions. Yeah, my needs versus your needs and their needs, yeah. And it helps you be able to work through that stuff and resolve that as a family. Also helps kids, I notice it helps kids practice getting themselves prepared for change.

 

Like you talked about moving, you know, that's a big change. But this also be on a smaller scale. I just think kids need time to go, next week this is happening. Okay, I want to get more sleep or I want to make sure I get to do this during that time. I want to make sure after we do that activity after I get back, I want to take a rest, you know? So it helps kids be able to prepare themselves physically, psychologically, emotionally, all that kind of stuff for the change coming up.

 

And then one more that I thought was really, and this is probably the biggest one was, was is that it helps them feel valued, helps them feel heard, helps you know you see them and that you want their input. Right? Yeah. I mean, that's what I feel like whenever I'm included, even in like a work environment, right? I mean, think about that listeners, if you're involved in a job and if your boss brings you in as asking you to be a part of this, like you feel valued. Yes.

 

Yeah, I love this one too. You know, we talked about this ahead of before the podcast, but just what you're giving to your kids when you say your voice matters. I've got this thing going on where, you know, whatever it might, we'll get to the categories and stuff, but this thing is happening and I want your input. What you have to contribute to our family into this conversation is important.

 

And the sense of confidence and self esteem and what you're giving to your kids and building inside of them that they have an important voice in the family and in the world as they grow up and go out into it is just invaluable. It's wonderful. Yeah. I mean, I think kids just light up when they're like, what I get to say in this. I get to say on where we're going on vacation and what we're going to do. I mean, that's, that's awesome. And then once again, they're not just reacting. Things aren't just constantly happening to them. They're actually creating something with you.

 

which is another skill you want them to have growing up into marriage and having their own kids, right? So in this, when you're seeing them and valuing their input, it creates a stronger bond between you and your kids, right? It really deepens the relationship you have with them. Yeah, and so it models for them even, maybe you have a super extroverted child who, yeah, they definitely tell you what they want or a really strong personality, then they get to learn how to share their part and hear other people share their part. Maybe you have a child who's more internal and holds all that inside.

 

They get to practice the skill of thinking about what they want, sharing what they want, having their voice be heard. And so it's just, it brings so much growth all around. Yeah. So now let's move into how would we do this? How would we recommend parents? We want to give you some practical things that we would talk about with our kids, just to give you an idea of vision, but also how to create a family that does that. Okay. So, so first of all, I wrote down Sara, I think having family meetings, at least on a monthly basis.

 

to discuss what's going on each month. I mean, it doesn't have to be super formal every time. It doesn't have to be like we ring a bell and say, family meeting time. Everybody get over here and act like you're liking this. It doesn't have to be that. But it is a regular checking in and informing the kids of things we're doing each month. I would say if you are very out of practice with this, you might need to put it on your calendar and put it on everyone's calendar.

 

Let them know that you're gonna do this and you might need to be super intentional at first if you're not used to it. Yeah, if no one's used to doing this, you might need to start out that way. But once it gets rolling, you can have a lot of impromptu ones and the children, I mean, our kids look forward to those. They enjoy those. They know they're gonna learn about stuff. They're gonna get to have their voice heard. But at first, when you're building the skill, you might wanna be intentional and of course make it fun. It can be a round.

 

some bowls of ice cream. I was thinking ice cream too. What? You know, somewhere a fun environment. It doesn't need to be all everyone's sitting in your chair. Yeah. Make it fun, make it relaxed and keep it short. Yeah. This isn't a two hour meeting. Yes. Yeah. And then, so then the second part though is make a list of what you and your spouse or use a single parent wants to discuss in these family meetings, like things that are topics, right? So we wrote a few down that I think might surprise some people.

 

You know that some people think what share that with your kids, you know, but I'm telling you when we've done this, it's probably some of the some of these bigger ones are ones that have really brought us most close together, right? So some topics that we wrote down was there's easy ones like vacations. Yes, like let's play on vacations again. You know, and let's let's talk about where we want to go. Let's talk about dream list of places we want to see and do what this person wants to do what this person will you know hear about each person says you know for us we have a we have a kid who they be

 

let's just get a really cool place and stay there. You don't want much of an agenda. And we have another child who's like shop till you drop. So we can hear all those things and then everyone hears each other's things. Meal planning. That's a big one. Why include your kids in meal planning? Well, they learn the skill. Just the things we mentioned before, their voice is heard. We make sure that we get some

 

likes in for each person because not everyone once again more buy in on the food that maybe we're cooking right. I love what you do where you'll lots of times have a kid help plan that week you know and then when they go to the grocery store they're learning how to pick that food out they're more likely than to like the food that's made because they chose it they can be creative and new things right the other siblings can see like what the sibling likes and what they don't like you know and so we've come up some really interesting foods that way.

 

You know by doing the meal planning together and I just love them having a voice because I know as a kid I did not have a voice in that I just came home every day after school and hoped it was something I liked instead of something where it would have been nice for my mom to have asked me about this or my dad to ask me about those things you know. Another topic was like you said the school year and extracurricular activities so just talking how do we want the mornings to go what do we want to do after school.

 

You know, what kind of sports do you want to do or what kind of other things do you want to be in plays? Do you want to dance? You want to sing practical things of how do we get to the different places? What do we need for the different places? Yeah. I mean, those are the things you're trying to do. We need snacks in the car. Yeah. Yeah. So just even thinking about timing, how, how do we balance our schedules with, with these things? Are we too busy? Do we need, you know, just factoring all those things in. I love that checking into Los Angeles kids are too busy, but they don't feel like they can say that.

 

They feel like this is how it's just supposed to happen. So even saying like, do you think we're involved in too many activities? Would you like to back it off? Those kinds of things would be very helpful. But here's some ones that lots of people don't think about, Sara. I love that we've invited our kids into the conversation around finances. Yes. Yeah. You and I have never been, we were never taught how to invest.

 

You know, we were never parents were not in the position of being able to invest. And I think we want to do a whole podcast, maybe just on money and how we're trying to help our kids understand. But you and I were taught how to grab money, hold onto it tightly and just hope you make more. Yeah. Our families were our family. We come from just, you know, some struggles and so it was a different, different situation and, and, you know, survive. Well, in those conversations, if they were ever had, we're just scary conversations, you know, about not having enough money.

 

about how we may not be able to buy. It was always about what we can't buy, you know? Well, we can't get that because we can't afford it. So that was the only conversations we ever had in our family about money. So it would be, we love inviting them into just what the budget is, you know, kind of this idea of what our goals and dreams are financially, you know, and then they have their own goals and dreams. And even we brought them into where now they have their own system where they can save money and they can invest money. I'm not doing it, but those kinds of discussions are really awesome.

 

talking about finances, not in a scary way, not in a stressed out way, but I think it helps the kids have a better picture where you see how it causes less anxiety because then the kid knows what's going on there. It helps with anxiety and it teaches going back to the skill. How do kids learn about money without watching it, discussing it, learning your strategies, learning how you prioritize, where you're putting your money, how you're spending your money.

 

maybe while you're going out to eat tonight, but maybe you're not going to go out to eat, you know, maybe you're not going out to eat tonight and what for? Those decision -making processes, I think, are great. And so I'm going to interject here because I think a lot of people are going, whoa, I mean, inviting my children into finances. So I do want to say, just little asterisks or whatever, this is all age -appropriate. We are not saying hand your kids your checkbook, all your financial records, and we are not saying that. You look at your child.

 

How old is your child? What skills do they need developed at this time? If I have a 16 to 18 year old, they're about to hit the world. And I don't mean, depending on the situation, I would invite them into more than what I'm inviting my six year old into. But of course, it's all age appropriate. You're inviting them into the pieces that you intentionally think they need to learn and grow in. So that's great. No, that goes with that out there with all of the top. That goes with all of these other topics.

 

So the next one I thought was big family decisions, like buying a car, buying a house, whether we're moving, you know, these kind of, I think some of the most fun I've had is when we bought our car this past year and just, you know, I'd like to plan, I like to make sure we're making a great decision. So the kids were involved in that process about the cars I was looking at, the type of car, right? Why we're getting a car versus hanging onto the car that we already own. What made this the time to go, okay, it's time, you know? And so thinking about that.

 

Yeah, like, well, and then buying the house like you went to go look at a lot of houses. The kids came with you. I know our oldest Abby loved to go see these houses and give ideas about design and things. And each of the kids love different houses were crossed off our list how we came up with our list of this is what we need in a home. This is what we want in a home. These are the things we can live without. These are the things we must have. So all that stuff of someday they're going to go buy a home. So

 

They won't remember everything probably, but we can give them this model, this example to follow. And of course, you know, anything that we can expose them to, to grow that is wonderful. And then there were lots of decisions that we just needed to make. You know, we ultimately are the ones paying for the home. Ultimately the ones doing those things. So we, we decide those final things, but we want to invite them in where we can. And then the last two, I was thinking of just conflicts that arise in daily life, whether it's conflicts with friends or work.

 

but also family, you know? And so I loved your whole, you talked about being age appropriate. So there is a tactful way to talk about this. It isn't just like how you talk about it with your spouse, but I mean, I've enjoyed so much of walking the kids through different conflicts that I've experienced in my life and then showing them the struggles or the successes in resolving those conflicts with those people. Why is that important? Because...

 

they're going through the same conflicts. Like the kids are going, they're having family conflicts, they're having conflicts with friends, they're having conflicts at school. And so when you talk about the conflicts you're having and how you are attempting to approach those or resolve those, you're teaching invaluable skills to them. And you're also showing yourself as a resource when they have those comments to go, mom and dad know what I'm going through. So I'm gonna go talk to them about this issue. Yeah, it really builds relationship. And it's really great to do this with your teenagers, to invite your teenager to go, hey,

 

you know what, there's this person at my workplace and they play their music too loud and it's interfering. This is just an example. And then what do you think I could do about that? So it's not something that's above there, beyond what is appropriate to share with them, but it's inviting their voice into your life and for them to practice being the expert in a situation, practice giving advice and thinking through, yeah, what do you do? You don't want...

 

to have a big conflict with this coworker, you really like them, but there's a problem here and it's impacting your work life. And so to invite them into that is really powerful for them. It builds this sense of self and it'll help your relationship just bring you guys closer because you're asking them to give into your life. Fantastic. So in wrapping that up, so we're encouraging you to intentionally start thinking about having family meetings.

 

Start inviting you and your spouse or you as a single parent into having input, being seen, being heard, right? In these, some of these decisions, small ones and big ones. Sara kind of laid out ways to make that fun. But then second, make a list of things that you want to be more intentional about communicating. It doesn't have to be all the things we just said, but some of those, let's start intentionally inviting them into that and saying, I definitely want them to be formed about this or this or this. I think your kids are really gonna love being seen and heard in these moments to where,

 

they're more likely than to have buy -in to whatever decisions being made because they helped co -create those choices with you. Okay? So communication, communication, communication. That's the big topic today. So really hope this topic was helpful to you. Hope it expands kind of how you see being a parent and having a family, kind of the vision you have for you and your kids. And I hope it gives you some tangible steps going forward. So we appreciate you taking the time to listen and hope you have a wonderful day.